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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28352211">Almost</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/wormstacheangel/pseuds/wormstacheangel'>wormstacheangel</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends to Strangers to Reuniting Years Later, Castiel Engaged to someone else, Castiel/Dean Winchester Mutual Pining, College | University Student Castiel (Supernatural), Eventual Happy Ending, It's Chuck btw so you won't really be so sad about it, M/M, Mechanic Dean Winchester, Minor Character Death, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 02:47:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>25,188</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28352211</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/wormstacheangel/pseuds/wormstacheangel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel confesses his love to Dean just before he has to move away for college. Dean's lack of a reaction makes Cas believe that Dean just doesn't feel the same way so he leaves. Thinking it's for the best to push Dean out of his life. </p><p>Fast forward five years and Cas is back in town for his Dad's funeral. Dean's reaction is to run to Cas - hoping to finally say the words that he never got the chance to say all those years ago - but a ring on Cas's finger halts Dean's plan completely. </p><p>This is an AU. I promise.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel/Dean Winchester, Castiel/Mick Davies</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>177</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>158</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p></p><div class="">
  <p></p>
  <div class="">
    <p>“Hey, I thought I was saying goodbye at your place.” Dean cracked a smile, it was just a twitch as he stood up from his bed to walk over to Cas. “Are you...are you leaving already?”</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>Cas nodded as he closed the door to Dean’s bedroom. “Yeah, Gabriel’s waiting for me outside. We’re gonna try to leave before Dad comes home from work.”</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>Cas was quickly scooped into Dean’s arms as they hugged. Dean hugged him around his middle while Cas’s arms wrapped around Dean’s neck, hiding his face into the crook of his best friend’s neck. They didn’t say anything but Cas cried as he felt Dean's hands’ smooth circles on his back.</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>“It’s okay, Cas. I’ll call you later and we can facetime all the time.” Dean reassured him as he squeezed him. “We’re still best friends. I promise.”</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>Cas nodded but held Dean closer. Wanting to remember this warmth and sense of home that Dean brought into his life. He heard honking from outside and knew it was Gabriel. He had convinced his brother to stop here, begged him, and cried even though they could be caught any minute now. But he needed to see Dean. He needed to tell him one last thing.</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>“I love you.” Cas said into his neck as the tears kept falling, he sniffled as he let out another broken. “I love you, Dean.”</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>Dean squeezed him again. “I love you too, Cas.” Cas froze not wanting to believe those words. He would stay if those words were true, he knew that much about himself. “You’re my best friend and I believe in you, okay? You’re gonna do great in college and if Gabriel too much just call me, okay? I’ll be stuck here. Alone. Cause the only other interesting person in this town is leaving me.”</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>Of course, Dean wouldn’t understand. He was just a friend to him. Nothing more. He understood that. That’s what made it easier to leave. There was no future for him if he kept pinning over his best friend. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>Still, he had to do it once.</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>Cas pulled back just enough for Dean to really look at him. “I love you.”</p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>And before Dean can respond, Cas leaned in for a kiss. Taking Dean’s face gently in his hands and pressing their lips together for a few seconds. Dean didn’t move and that was enough of an answer for Cas. He didn’t need to hear the rejecting words. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>He pulled away and as quickly as he appeared in Dean’s room he disappeared. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>He got into the awaiting car and wiped his tears as he told Gabriel to drive. He was heading out to his future. There was no need to look back at his past. </p>
  </div>
  <div class="">
    <p>Dean was left speechless for a moment too long. By the time he forced himself to move again the car was already disappearing around the corner. He had no chance to catch it. </p>
  </div>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Cas never responded to texts, calls, or emails. After a few months, Dean stopped trying. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>5 years later, he noticed a familiar figure coming out of the store across from the garage he worked at. They were all bundled up for the cold but Dean would recognize that ugly coat anywhere. He called out saying he was going on a quick break and raced out into the street. He didn’t even realize that he still held on to hope to see Cas again and knew that if this was a case of mistaken identity then he would be crushed. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Then he saw the familiar figure walk into the coffee shop. Dean ran over not thinking that was still in his work overalls covered in oil and dirt. He wished he looked nice but he was afraid that if he lost track of him now then he will never see him. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He opened the coffee shop door and while he heard the familiar, “Dean! Hey, what are you - Dude, you look like you saw a ghost.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Dean ignored Charlie as he looked around the crowded place. “Cas!” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Dean?” Charlie walked over to him, her eyebrows pinching together in worry. “You okay?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Maybe that was it. <em>A ghost</em>. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>He hasn’t thought of Cas in so long, forced those memories down, and shoved them away in the closet with the rest of him. Well until recently where he was happily dating men. Well, he wouldn’t say dating.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I’m...I’m sorry, Charlie.” Dean covered his face in his hands as he let out a huff. “I thought I saw an old friend come in here.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Old friend?” Charlie asked as she patted Dean’s back. “Well since you’re here let me get you a brownie. My treat.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Thanks.” Dean waited by the counter as he kept reliving that moment of seeing that coat walk past him. Swearing he saw him come in here but there was nobody. Was he really losing his mind over him again? </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I don’t care, Gabriel.” He heard a voice coming out from the bathroom as they struggled with their shopping bags. “I don’t understand why I have to be the one to come back and plan this whole thing when Dad was obviously closer to Michael. And may I add that he hated my guts.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Dean’s eyes wandered up as he felt the voice to be a little familiar. He looked up to see a tall handsome man with his phone balancing between his shoulder and his ears as he made his way to a free table. Dropping the shopping bags on the chair across from him and then falling into a chair himself.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I also want the damn keys to your car! I shouldn’t be walking around in this damn cold.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Dean pushed himself off the counter and walked over before he knew what he was doing. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I can give you a ride home if you want.” The words escaped his lips before he stopped himself. So he tried to play it off as cool as he could. He gave Cas - fuck Cas was right there - a wink and smile.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Cas looked up at him and his baby blues widened. “Dean?” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>His phone fell to the ground but he could still hear screaming from the other end. Cas quickly picked it up and hung up since Gabriel kept screaming Dean’s name. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Hiya, Cas.” Dean scratches the back of his head, feeling that fake bravado quickly fading. “Sorry to hear about your Dad.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Cas laughed humorlessly before looking away from Dean. “Yeah, well you’ll be the only one.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Then before Dean can stop himself. Stop and think that maybe these next words will create more of a problem for Cas, he said them. “I missed you.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Cas looked back at him and his face seemed to relax. “You do?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Dean!” Dean heard Charlie call out to him and then she was by his side, pushing a warm brownie into his arms. “I got you the corner piece like you like. Now you should hurry back to work before Bobby comes in here looking for you.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Oh,” Cas says looking between him and Charlie. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Charlie meets his eyes and smiles. “Did you already get your order in, sir?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“No, I was just-” Cas started but then Dean grabs a hold of Cas’s bags. “Dean?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I’m taking you home.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Cas quickly got up and started following Dean out the door. “I thought your girlfriend said you had to go to work.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“She’s gay, dude.” Dean tells him and then calls back to Charlie over his shoulder. “If Bobby calls, tell him I went home with a headache!”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>She only gave him a shaky thumbs up but luckily she didn’t question him.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Dean,” Cas stops in front of him as they walk on the sidewalk now. “Stop for a second. You’re angry and I'd rather not get in a car with you if you’re just gonna glare at the road the whole time.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I don’t do that.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“You do.” He challenged back. Glaring back at Dean as he tries to take the shopping bags back but Dean keeps holding them back. “You have every right to be mad and I-”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Damn right I do!”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I’m sorry but I’ll rather not talk about this. Not right now.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Tough shit. We could have had this conversation five years ago but you decided to drop me from your life.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“You deserve an explanation I know, Dean.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Dean stared back at Cas who looked down at the ground, guilt-ridden. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Then in a brave whisper, he asked, “Was I not enough?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“What?” Cas looks back up at him with eyebrows squished together.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Did you just...You said you loved me and then you left.” Dean couldn’t stop the shakiness in his voice. “That’s a really fucked up way to mess with someone, Cas.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“You said it back.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I didn't know you meant it like...like that.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I know. I know, Dean, but I just couldn’t handle your rejection.” </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Rejection? If you would have given me some damn time to process then you would have known that I loved you too!”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Cas didn’t say anything as his face scrunched up in a way he did to hold back his tears. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Seriously, dude! Who fucking kisses someone and then drops them like that? I mean...I thought I meant more to you than that.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“You do!”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Then prove it!”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“What?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Prove it, damn it! Prove that I mean more-oof!”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Cas jumped into Dean and wrapped his arms around his neck to bring him down for a kiss. This time Dean reacted as he dropped the bags in his hand and wrapped his arms around Cas to kiss him back.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>It started off slow, sweet, and that was enough to jump-start his heart. When Cas started to pull away Dean chased his lips again. Softly biting down on Cas’s lower lip to hear that soft gasp and finally be able to taste Cas. It wasn’t just a dream anymore. Cas was in his arms and he was pressed hard against him while his tongue was exploring Dean’s mouth. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“That should’ve been our first kiss.” Dean tells him when they pull away just enough to rest their forehead together. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Cas stayed pressed against him. His fingers playing with the back of Dean’s hairs. His eyes were closed with a soft smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “I missed you, Dean.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I missed you too, Cas.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Dean reaches to kiss Cas again but this time Cas ducked his head. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I...I’m sorry. I can’t. I just-” He pulls away from Dean’s grasp and takes a step back. His face looked red, guilt clearly written across his forehead. He pulled his left glove off and then held his hand out for Dean to see. A ring rested on his left hand. “I’m sort of engaged.”</p>
</div>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Drive</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Dean drives Cas back home. While the old feelings just sink deeper into him.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello! I did promise a second part and now I will promise you a third because apparently, I am writing chapter fics now. I didn't plan it but here I am.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Engaged?” Dean has said the word out loud three times, watching as Cas slipped his glove back on before picking the bags off the floor.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know just cause you keep saying it, it doesn’t make it any less true.” Cas rolled his shoulders back but he couldn't even meet Dean’s eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Coward</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Dean thinks to himself as his hands balled up into a fist when he shoves them into his overall pockets.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I should get going.” Cas finally says again when he finally looks up but his eyes are looking past Dean. Almost as if he was forcing himself to not look at him. Dean recognizes this look though. Cas was squishing his face again, he was about to cry. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He takes a step forward out of instinct but then pulls back. “Why’d you kiss me if you were just gonna run away again?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He tried to keep his voice even. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas looked away from him again, a small shrug as he shuffled his feet. “I-I honestly don’t know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Bull.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dean, I don’t know!” Cas finally meets his gaze, his eyes watery, but his stubborn ass wouldn’t let them fall. “You were just there and - fuck, Dean! I never thought I was going to see you again!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So, what are you saying?” Dean took a step towards him again and Cas stood still, his mouth in a tight line as he watched Dean with a shaky gaze. “Do you still love me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dean.” Cas’s eyebrows dropped at the same time he blinked tears. “Don’t do this.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean took another step towards him, to hover over Cas but kept his hands deep in his pockets. “You do. Don’t you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His voice sounded way too hopeful for his liking but Cas was just a reach away. He could pull him in again and just hold him for a few more seconds. Pretend everything was okay for just a while longer.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas swallowed hard as he kept his gaze on Dean. Finally looking at him, almost studying him, before Cas shook his head slowly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean crumbled. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I am marrying </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Cas held his chin up as he looked back at Dean, ocean eyes blinking away rivers of tears. “I-I’m sorry that I...that I hurt you but-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hurt me? You didn’t fucken hurt me!” It was anger that was escaping. Something he can shield himself with because he didn’t expect this today. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh,” Cas was taken back, eyes widened for just a second before they glared back at him. Not backing down as his next words spit out the same venom Dean’s words just did. “Sorry to </span>
  <em>
    <span>fucking </span>
  </em>
  <span>assume then!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Kiss him!</span>
  </em>
  <span> The little voice in Dean’s head screamed at him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Kiss him or you’ll lose him. Again.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean looked down at Cas’s lips, still pink and plump, maybe a little bit chapped, but perfect. He saw his tongue nervously stick out to lick his lower lip before he met Cas’s gaze. He looked hurt. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean couldn’t look at him anymore. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just get in the car, Cas.” Dean grabbed the bags from Cas’s death grip, pulled on them hard enough before he opened the door to the back seat to throw the bags inside. He already dropped the bags twice so he really wished there was nothing breakable in there. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” Cas stood there confused. Feet shuffling again as he grabbed the lapels of his coat to wrap it around him tighter. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean looked at him once again before walking over to the driver’s side, rubbing at the back of his neck as he walked. “I’m driving you home, dumbass.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh.” Cas reached for the door handle before he met Dean’s gaze across the top of the car. “Dean, are you sure? I could easily just-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s just a damn ride. You’re cold aren’t you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I am.” Cas nodded before his expression softened. “If you’re sure.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean rolled his eyes as he opened his door and slid into the driver's seat. “Whatever.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas slid in beside him not a second later and the air inside changed drastically. Almost suffocating with the electric charge in the air but Dean white knuckled the steering wheel for just a second before turning the car on. When he turned to look at Cas in the passenger seat he found him already going through the box of cassette tapes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was a comforting and familiar sight.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas remembered his routine in the car. He finally found the tape he was looking for, Dean’s face reddened at the sight of the old mixtape, and he pushed the eject button on the tape deck. Replacing the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Metallica </span>
  </em>
  <span>tape for the mixtape Dean made Cas back in high school. That dumbass probably still didn’t realize what that meant.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He presses play and then turns on the heaters before he starts rewinding the Metallica tape. So it’ll be ready for when Dean wants to listen to it again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As the first beat of </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tangerine </span>
  </em>
  <span>starts to fill the car, Cas turns to give Dean a small smile with one eyebrow raised. As if asking him why he hasn’t started driving yet.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Dean swallows as he tightens his hold on the wheel. “Okay.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was a quiet drive to the Novaks. Cas busied himself with rewinding tapes that Dean just never bothered to do. The car was starting to get too warm but he wasn’t sure if it was because of the heater or because Cas was in the car. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>What are they even supposed to say to each other now? Cas didn’t love him anymore and - fuck he didn’t even know he held on to hope that he would - it hurt like hell knowing he loved someone else. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean really thought he buried all those feelings of love and...</span>
  <em>
    <span>love</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Especially when it made no sense to be in love with a guy he hasn't seen in 5 </span>
  <em>
    <span>frickin </span>
  </em>
  <span>years. People change in time. Dean sure as hell wasn't the same guy. He couldn't expect Cas to stay the same.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>To still love him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They moved on. That’s good. That’s how life works but fuck! Why does this shit have to be so much more complicated? He’s engaged for fucks sake!</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean sneaked a peek at Cas. He was humming along to </span>
  <em>
    <span>Black Dog</span>
  </em>
  <span>, his mouth mouthing to the words as his eyes shut tight while he was rewinding a </span>
  <em>
    <span>Lynyrd Skynyrd </span>
  </em>
  <span>tape His head bopped to the beat as he enjoyed the song with a smile on his face. And Dean felt like he was a senior in high school again. Secretly in love with his high school best friend and dealing with the gay panic all on his own. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then their six-year friendship ended after they finished their two-year general ed at their local community college. Dean only got it cause Cas kept pushing him to do so and after it was all done Cas said goodbye. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Finally kissing him, only to lose him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Again!</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean banged his head against the steering wheel when he stopped at a stop sign. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dean?” He heard Cas’s voice call out to him and Dean looked ahead at the road when he started to drive. Turning into Cas’s old house. The route is as familiar as going to his own house. Dean only hummed a response, raising his chin to show Cas he was listening. “Are you coming to the funeral?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Was planning on it but if you don’t want me-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t be stupid.” Dean can hear Cas rolling his eyes. “ I’m just wondering. I’m not asking you not to go.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then why are you asking?” Dean asked as he slowed the car to park in front of the Novak’s house. He notices the cars that were already parked in the driveway before he turns to look at Cas. Maybe his words came out harsher than he intended them because Cas’s jaw was clenching. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mick is gonna be there.” Cas tells him while he tucked the box of tapes back under the seat. Not looking at Dean again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mick? Who the hell is - oh!” Dean chuckled as he looked away from Cas to look down at his own hands gripping the wheel again. Ready to just get out of here and hopefully stuff it back down the rabbit hole in his mind where he would never have to think about it again. Dean repeated his name slowly and even he could hear the bitterness in his tone. “Mick.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes. Mick.” Dean can once again hear Cas roll his eyes, annoyed. “My fiance.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dumb name but whatever.” Dean shrugged as he sat straighter in his seat. “I won’t fucken fight him or whatever if that’s what you’re fucken worried about.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not, dumbass. I just wanted to,” Cas sighed, sounding a bit defeated, so Dean finally turns to look at him. He looked small. Nervous as he fidgeted with his dumb coat again. “I wanted </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>to like him.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh.” Was all he could say.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas sighed as his shoulders hunched forward. “I’m sorry. I know it’s too much to ask for-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, Cas, it's </span>
  <em>
    <span>a lot</span>
  </em>
  <span> to fucken ask for!” Cas's whole body winced but right now Dean didn’t care. “I just kissed his damn fiance and I want to do it again so fucken badly,” Cas’s eyes finally looked up to meet his gaze but Dean looked away. “And you want me to face the poor bastard? No, Cas. I-I won’t.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.” Dean could see from the corner of his eye that Cas reached for him and then pulled his hand back. Dean didn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. “I’ll just keep my distance.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Probably for the best.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah. Probably.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas then opened his door and got out into the cold air. Dean didn’t look back when he opened the back door to get his things from the back seat.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll see you tomorrow then.” Cas quietly said as he shuffled the bags into his hands. Dean nodded, already starting the car again. “Bye.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah. Bye.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas let out a tired sigh. “I’m sorry, Dean.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean didn’t say anything, didn’t even sneak a peek at Cas through the rearview mirror. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks for the ride. It was...nice.” And then the door slammed closed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As soon as he heard the door closed he sped away. Ejecting the mixtape from the tape deck and throwing it into the back seat. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you like this angsty mess. I am not one to write angst for this long or in general. I like fluff so expect a happy ending from this story. However long it will be. I will get there! Thanks for the lovely comments on the last chapter by the way! They really made my whole day.<br/>Follow my tumblr  <a>LINK</a> for updates!<br/>I have also been asking questions and help for this fic so join the discussion when you can.<br/>I post Destiel prompts and ficlets every day too.<br/>Thanks for reading.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Let Me Be</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Dean comes back from the long drive with Cas in need of some comfort. Sam is there to finally get him to talk out his feelings and admit to things he has been pushing down. <br/>Then he has to go face Cas the next day.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“So, what?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean was sitting on the floor behind the register of Charlie’s cafe. His head rested against her legs as she took orders, feeling too damn embarrassed to go home to face Sam or go to work and face Bobby. Charlie was the only other person who he was close to but she came into his life after Cas already left it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re just gonna hide here?” Charlie said before her customer service voice took over. “Hello! How can I help you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She took an order while Dean continued to munch on the brownie she has given him earlier. It wasn’t warm anymore but it was still damn good. He was glad he had a best friend who would let him eat his feelings and provided the food.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When she addressed him again she crouched down to smile sadly at him. He hated it. “Dean, I didn’t even know you liked anyone.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I didn’t fucken know I liked anyone either.” He groaned in annoyance as he threw his head back but it hurt as it hit some glass mugs. “Ow! Damn it, Charlie!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t take your anger out on me!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m-I’m not! I’m just mad in general! At Cas being back. At me not over my damn high school crush. At dumb fucken </span>
  <em>
    <span>Mick</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Dean let his head fall into his hands. “I’m 26, dude. I shouldn’t be dealing with this shit anymore.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What does age have to-?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I shouldn’t be having boy problems!” He pulls his head out of his hands to explain to her before he groaned again. Mumbling, “I’m too damn old for this shit.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe if you focused more on the pretty girls like me then you wouldn’t be in this mess.” She jokingly nudged him as she sat on the floor beside him. Pulling him down so she can awkwardly hold him. “I think you just gotta be the mature one, Dean. He’s probably not staying for long anyway so how about you just go to the funeral like we planned and then we can forget that little Castiel walked back into our lives. Does that sound like a plan?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sounds like </span>
  <em>
    <span>a </span>
  </em>
  <span>plan.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s the spirit!” She dropped a kiss on top of his head. “Now, are you going to stay and hug my legs until closing?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thinking about it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Charlie laughed but shoved him off when he dropped his full weight into her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean did end up going home. He needed a hot shower and hoped to whatever god was listening that Sammy won’t come looking for him today because he knew Bobby would have called him. He knew Sam would be worried - Bobby would be too but won’t admit to it and Dean respected him for it - and he would come barging in with his </span>
  <em>
    <span>emergency </span>
  </em>
  <span>house key he made without permission. Then he would want Dean to talk. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sam always wants Dean to talk. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A few months of not talking after suddenly losing his Mom and his best friend moving away and suddenly, </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘you’re someone who needs to be watched, Dean.’</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean wouldn’t be damn surprised if there were hidden cameras in his apartment. At least he’s given whoever is watching a damn show every once in a while.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Luckily he took a hot shower in peace. His apartment was filled with music as he walked around his room to clean the already tidy space. His mind floating around to think of nothing in particular. Making himself not think of what happened. Not think of Cas. Not think of the damn kiss. Not think of his baby blue’s that still hold so much power over him. Not think of his dumb smile or horrible singing voice. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck!” Dean grabbed one of his pillows and buried his face into it. “Fuck you! Fuck you!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dude,” Dean jumped as he heard the familiar voice behind him. Sam walked into his bedroom with beers in hand as well as a greasy brown paper bag. “Is that any way to talk to someone who brought you supplies?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean dropped his pillow on his bed and passed Sam, bumping their shoulders together. “Fuck you. Stop letting yourself in.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sam let out a low chuckle but followed him to the small kitchen. “You weren’t going to let me in.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Cause you’re nosy, asshat. That’s why.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They dropped into the kitchen chairs while Sam passed him his food, grinning like an idiot and annoying Dean to no end. Dean liked eating in silence but his brother wouldn’t stop looking at him and smiling. Like he’s hiding something or knows the damn secrets to the universe. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean was almost done with his second beer and half his fries when he kicks Sam’s chair. “Just fucking spit it out, Sammy!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sam sat up in his chair and leaned in closer to Dean as if he was about to share a secret. As if anybody else was in his apartment to hear them. “Guess who’s back in town?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Cas.” Dean quickly answers as he leans back in his chair, his feet resting up on one of the extra chairs, and takes a sip of his beer.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How’d you-?” Sam blinks at him in shock before shaking his head. “Well, I bet you don’t know that he’s engaged to this guy named-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mick.” Dean rolled his eyes as that name escaped his lips again. “Fucking asshole.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sam leans back on his chair, his face dropping into a scowl. “How do you fucking know that?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean shrugs as he takes another fry and dips it in ketchup before chewing on it. Ignoring his brother’s waiting stare. “I just know things.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck you.” Sam pushes Dean’s chair back in annoyance. Dean would want to do the same thing but Sam’s chair was now too far away for his legs to reach. “Who told you, dude?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Who told </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” Dean asked back while he scoots back to the table. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Gabriel. He came looking for Cas at the garage so he told Bobby and me. We also met the dude.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dude? You mean Mick?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah. He was pretty chill. He has an accent.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Accent?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“British.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck!” How was he even to compete with some fancy British dude? He’s seen the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Great British Bake Off.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Those people are nice. Cas deserved a nice person. “I don’t wanna see Cas being all gaga for this dude tomorrow.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dude, his Dad is dead. Pretty sure his mind would be somewhere else.” Sam tells him. Watching him with those damn wide eyes that scanned him. Looking for any damn indication that there could be something wrong. “What’s up with you? Are you...wait.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shut up, Sam.” Dean could read it in his brother’s face. That damn aha moment lit up his whole face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you still hung up on Cas?” Sam’s grin broke across his face and Dean stood up to walk to his front door.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thanks for dropping by, Sammy. Now leave!” He opened the door and motioned Sam to walk through it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hell no!” Sam rested his feet on the empty chair. His arms crossing over his chest as he got comfortable. “My big brother’s high school crush just walked back into town with a ring on his finger and you want me to just - what? Ignore it? Hell no.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sam.” Dean’s voice went lower as a warning but Sam didn’t budge.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dude, just talk to me!” Sam tells him, opening his arms up as if showing Dean that he is ready to listen. “You used to talk to me about Cas all the time! Hell, you used to talk to me about the guys and girls you’ve been with every other day!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That was before.” Dean slammed the door shut knowing Sam wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon. He dragged his hand down his face as he walked to the couch, not hungry enough to finish eating.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Before what?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Before shit got complicated.” Dean fell into the old couch and didn’t look at his brother. Instead looked down at the beer in his hand, his thumb scraping the label off with elbows on his knees as he leaned forward in his seat. “Before Lisa left me cause I wasn’t ready for a commitment. And then Benny left because I was going too fast. Shit. I haven’t been able to get a damn thing right for a while.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And what? You thought Cas would be the answer?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean shrugged. “I don’t know. I just saw him and I felt...better. Lighter.” A smile crept on his face. “He was still wearing that ugly coat Bobby gave him a long time ago.” He chuckled before he cleared his throat. Catching himself falling again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You still love him?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Doesn’t matter. He doesn’t feel the same way.” Dean tells him, a short cold chuckle like breath escaped his mouth as he shook his head. “He doesn’t feel the same way anymore, Sammy.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dean.” It was a quiet sad tone and Dean was gonna tell him to shut it but then he found out why Sam was using that tone on him. Dean was crying.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe now that Cas moved on. Maybe you can too.” Sam walked over to sit beside him on the couch. Not touching Dean but just being close enough to comfort him. “You can stop waiting for him now.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That was it, wasn’t it? Dean has been waiting for Cas all these damn years and he didn’t even know it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck. I’m so stupid, Sam.” Dean shook his head as he put his beer down on the floor before he covered his face in his hands. “He kissed me too.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He kissed you?!” Sam sounded shocked but Dean didn’t look at him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah. He did. Told me he missed me too.” Dean hits his head in frustration. “I’m so fucking stupid!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re not, Dean!” Then Sam’s arms were around him. Pulling him into a sideways hug that Dean was going to push away from but instead he let his little brother hold him. He’ll hate himself for breaking down in front of Sam tomorrow. Right now he needed the comfort. “It’s okay. You can move on now. You </span>
  <em>
    <span>know </span>
  </em>
  <span>now so you can just move on. Let your heart heal.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Heal. Yeah. Yeah, that sounds nice.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He thinks to himself as he took a calming breath like Sam always tells him to do.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But if he couldn’t move on 5 years ago, when the kiss was terrible, how was he suppose to move on now? With the taste of Cas and the feel of him in his arms was still burned into his mind? Still fresh. Still new.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Craving it every second he can’t have it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love him, Sammy.” Dean took a shaky breath. “I still love him.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>And it’s killing me knowing he doesn’t.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <b>-</b>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The next morning Dean was standing outside the funeral home with Charlie fussing over his and Sam’s hair. Dean kept loosening his tie while they waited for Bobby to finish the phone call with a customer, letting them know they would be closed for a friend's funeral. Friend is really putting it nicely. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Chuck was a creepy squirrely little guy with anger issues. He was sweet sometimes - like every other psycho - but his controlling nature was always a scary sight. But he helped Bobby keep the shop and helped them pay for the funeral cost of their Mom so he was an honorary friend at least. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Why was Chuck so generous to help them? Fuck if any of them know but they weren’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth. That’s for sure.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Stop fidgeting, boy!” Bobby slapped Sam’s hand away from him loosening his tie and pulled him down to fix it again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ow! Uncle Bobby, that’s too tight!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Stop whining. We’re already late as it is.” He said patting Sam’s shoulders when he was done. Sam made a face of distaste as he rolled his eyes. Lucky for him Bobby didn’t catch him. “Dean come here. Let me fix your damn-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No! No. I got it.” Dean smiled reassuringly at him as he quickly tried to fix it but he wasn’t quick enough as Bobby pulled him down to fix it again. Dean groaned as he did tighten it but it was loosened just enough so he wouldn’t struggle to breathe. “Thanks, Uncle Bobby.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bobby looked at all three of them with a proud grin. “Now behave yourselves. This family hates us enough.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What an encouraging speech.” Dean commented while Charlie grimaced at all of them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just stay in the background and the sooner we can leave without causing a scene the better. Got it?” The three of them nodded half-heartedly. “Good! Let’s go. Keep close.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They started walking behind Bobby and into the funeral home. Dean kept his eyes down not wanting to look at anyone in the surprisingly crowded place. Well, not surprising. The Novak family was huge. The family of seven was big enough but then add all the damn cousins these guys had and it was a full house. Some people were even standing outside so they could talk. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It took Dean a solid 15 minutes to even find a parking spot - he ended up parking a block away - because the small parking lot quickly filled up. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So with this crowded place, he was hoping he wouldn’t have to bump into Cas. At least not bump into him so soon but of course, he’ll be the one welcoming people in. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck.” Dean hissed under his breath as his eyes met Cas’s. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas stiffened at the sight of him - which always made someone feel welcomed - before he forced a smile. But Dean can still read that face like a damn open book. His jaw is clenched just enough for people not to notice the stiffness while his hands fidgeted into his suit pants pocket. Yeah, well, Dean was uncomfortable too. Cas ain’t special.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean’s eyes traveled down Cas’s body and - bless him father cause he wants to sin - Cas looked great in a damn black floral suit. It was well fitted. Probably tailored since that is the type of family the Novak’s were and lucky for Dean it hugged him in all the right places. Dean’s eyes drifted to down only to notice there was a hand wrapped around his lower back. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean’s breath caught in his throat. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, Cas.” Sam stepped in front of him first and wrapped Cas into one of his big bear hugs. “Nice seeing you again but I’m sorry for your loss.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas barely had his chin on Sam’s shoulder as he patted Sam’s back awkwardly. “Thank you, Sam.” Cas pulled back to smile at him. “I hope we can catch up before I leave. I would like to hear more about your studies on witchcraft.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How’d you-?” Sam asked but Cas motioned at the guy standing next to him. The guy that just had his arms around Cas’s waist. As if claiming him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Michael told me you two talked yesterday.” And then Cas turned to look at Dean. “Mick I know you meet Sam and Bobby but this is Sam’s older brother. Dean.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck you, Cas. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, Dean! I heard a lot about you from my Cas here.” He nudged Cas, who awkwardly laughed before he held his hand out for Dean to shake. “Nice to finally meet you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck this fucker and his dumb accent. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Dean narrows his eyes at him, trying to read him. As if he would see any red flags or alarms over his head. But he looked like someone he would root for on the British Bake Off and he hated him for that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Charlie nudged him to shake the outstretched hand but Dean wouldn’t budge. He instead shrugged at him. “Um, germs, man. But nice to meet one of Cas’s friends.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Charlie pinched his arm at that comment while Cas rolled his eyes, his shoulders dropping with a tired sigh before he glared at Dean. Mick only laughed as he took his hand back but then he wrapped it around Cas’s waist again and Dean regretted not preoccupying that fucking hand. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fiance actually.” Mick grinned up at Cas who strained a smile. “Hmm, I figured Sam would have told you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean mocked a smile. “Oh, he did! Shit must have slipped my mind.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dean.” Cas almost growled at him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean chewed on his bottom lip for a second before swallowing hard. He turned his hard smile on Cas. “I know. Sorry.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t worry, Cas, we’ll keep an eye on him.” Sam tells him as he starts to shove Dean ahead where Bobby already disappeared to find a chair in some sad corner probably. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Um, sorry for your loss.” Charlie gave Cas a quick hug. “Oh, I’m Charlie by the way. New best friend but it’s nice to meet you! I mean...wished it was under better circumstances but what can you do?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She started to nervously laugh and Sam tugged at her arm to drag her along as well.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Bye!” Charlie waved at them awkwardly, Dean saw Cas wave back with a grin and raised an eyebrow, before she sighed. “Wow, that was awkward.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, you think so?” Dean sarcastically says while Sam’s too big arm wraps around his shoulders, probably to hold him in place. “This place better have an open bar.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s a funeral, Dean. Not a damn party.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Meh.” Dean shrugged before they found Bobby in the back row sneaking a sip of a flask. “Give it here, old man!”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Yes, I keep adding unnecessary chapters to this story but I'm already excited for you guys to read the next chapter! Which I will post tomorrow. <br/>Thank you again for the comments on my last chapter! It means a lot to me! I hope you guys enjoy this story as much I'm enjoying writing it. <br/>Follow my tumblr  <a>LINK</a> for updates!<br/></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Hard Times</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Dean sees a distressed Cas and he can't help himself.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The service lasted longer than they thought - with all this extended family he really shouldn’t have been surprised - but the announcements for the burial and the reception were given. Lucky for them only the siblings were allowed at the burial so everyone else headed to the big Novak home for the reception. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are we going?” Charlie whispered as they waited for people to steer clear of the funeral home so they could head out after. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“They’re rich so they might have good food.” Sam suggested and Dean raised his eyebrows before nodding in agreement. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Take me home first if you three are planning on freeloading.” Bobby started to get up as the crowd got smaller. The three of them followed after, ready to just head home instead, but someone caught his eye. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas was still by the casket, reaching to hesitantly place his palm on it before he took it back. As if the damn thing burned him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Um, you guys go on first.” Dean pulled the keys out of his pocket and handed them to Sam. “I’m just gonna do something.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They must have seen what he was seeing because Charlie pulled at his arm. “Don’t do something stupid, Dean.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“When have I ever done that?” Dean tried to joke but he only received three bitchfaces glaring back at him. “Fine! I won’t. Just...Just five minutes. I’ll be out in five!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They all must have seen something in him because they didn’t argue further. Which is a blessing in itself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Five minutes, Dean.” Sam warns him and Dean knows his brother will be in here to drag his out if he went over by a second.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean waited until his family was gone before he made his way over to Cas. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Watching as he stood with one hand over his mouth, his shoulders stiff, while Dean took in his profile. His dumb messy hair looked like it was combed at one point but his fingers ran through them one too many times. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Cas?” Dean stopped walking as he stood an arm stretch away. Cas hummed as he turned towards him and Dean sucked in a shaky breath. He didn’t stop himself when he took the extra step and took Cas’s face in between his hands. “Hey. Hey, Cas, it’s okay.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas swallowed hard as he shook his head. Tears falling harder as he let out a shaky cry. “He hated me, Dean.” Cas’s shoulders started to shake as he finally let himself cry. He reached over and gripped at Dean’s coat. “My father hated my damn guts and now...and now he’s dead.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean pulled Cas into him, holding him as he cried it out. Trying to comfort him the best he could while he felt fingers bunch up the back of his coat. Holding him as if he was scared Dean would disappear if his grip loosened. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas hiccuped as he tilted his head to hide his face into Dean’s neck. “You know I never got a chance to make up with him? I don’t,” Cas chuckled as his grip tightened around Dean. “I don’t even know what was the last thing I said to him but I know - fuck I’m sure of it - that I screamed something at him. We were...we were always screaming at each other.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean turned his head and left a kiss on Cas’s head, feeling too natural for him to even question the movement, as he hummed in response. Knowing Cas just needed to vent. Needed someone to listen to him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t even know what I did for him to hate me so much. Every time I brought it up he told me-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That you were crazy.” Dean finished his sentence for him because it’s something he has heard before. “But you weren’t, Cas. We all saw it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas pulled away just enough so they can look each other in the eyes, their breath warming each other’s skin. “But what did I do, Dean?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know, Cas.” Dean reached to wipe Cas’s tears away with his thumb. “I really don’t. But I’m here.” He smiled at him as he tilted his head forward so their foreheads can softly touch. Cas let out a shaky breath but didn’t pull away. Instead, he closed his eyes as he nodded. “I’m here and I don’t hate you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t hate you either.” Cas tells him, a crack of a smile on his lips. Cas’s grip loosened on his back as Dean’s only tightened but then he felt relaxed arms wrap around his waist and pull him in close. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas wanted him close still. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Cas,”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you for being here, Dean.” Cas opened his eyes and tilted his head back just a little, his eyes still watery but they were softer now. Still, he narrowed them. “Why did you come here alone? You know you could have invited your family.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean’s eyebrows pressed together as he looked back at Cas. “What? But you saw-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dean!” They both turned around to see Sam was walking down the aisle of the funeral home. He stopped short of them and gave that twitch of an awkward smile. “Five minutes, Dean.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh.” Was his only response as he felt Cas’s arms drop from around him. Then he took a step back, still close enough to reach for again but felt so far away. And for fucks sake did Dean want nothing more than to reach for him again. To never let go ever again but he knew better. He knew he was only making it worse for himself in the long run. “Are you okay, Cas?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas nods, a shy smile on his lips, as he wipes his face one more time. “I think so. Thank you for listening, Dean.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good.” Dean smiled back, his hands outstretched to wipe away tears that Cas missed himself but then he felt Sam tug at him. “Dude!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We gotta go and take Bobby home, Dean.” Sam says between his teeth, his eyes glaring. Probably thinking how stupid his older brother was. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You guys are going to the reception, right?” Cas called after them. He sounded so hopeful.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course, Cas.” Dean blurted out even though they have all agreed not to go.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good. Good.” Cas nervously smiles at him and Dean’s heart races, letting Sam drag him out of the funeral home because his legs just want to go back to Cas. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then as soon as Cas was out of sight and they were outside Sam pulls him forward so he can glare down at him. “What the hell dude?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean looked down as he pushed past Sam and towards the awaiting car, Bobby was in the driver's seat. “Shut up will you? I was just comforting him!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, well, from where I was standing it looked like you two were about to kiss!” Sam said too loudly that Charlie slid over closer to Dean when he opened the back seat door. Not wanting Sam to glare daggers into his back in the passenger seat.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Who was about to kiss?” Charlie asked as she cramped into Dean’s space. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sam slid into the passenger seat as Dean answered. “Nobody!” but Sam answers with “Dean and Cas!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Charlie hit his arm. “Dude! He’s engaged!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We didn’t kiss!” Dean defended himself but even Bobby huffed, not believing him, as he drove. “We didn’t! The dude just lost his Dad and he needed some comforting.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you pulling the moves on Cas while he’s mourning?” Charlie asked, her face scrunched up in disgust.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sounds like it.” Sam shrugs and Dean reached to slap the back of his head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shut it, Samuel! I didn't do anything wrong.” Dean crossed his arms over his chest. “Can you guys just mind your own fucking business?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, at least we have the rest of the day to just relax and put this behind us. You guys wanna come to my place?” Charlie offered but when she saw Dean’s grimace she frowned. “What?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Um, I sort of told Cas we were going to the reception.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The car filled with groans as Dean shrunk down on the seat.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry, this is my shortest chapter. I just needed it to end there. Either way, I hope you enjoyed it! Thank you for the lovely comments!! I swear they make my day better. Even if it's just you guys being mad at Cas lol</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. The Violet Hour</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Dean hides in Cas's childhood bedroom during the funeral reception. He quickly finds himself having a nice conversation with Mick and - fuck- the dude's actually nice.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Ah, this is where you’ve been hiding.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean was sprawled across Cas’s old twin bed, one leg swinging off the edge as he laid on his back holding up one of his old X-Men comics. He muttered a “Fuck” under his breath as he put the book down on his chest before looking up at Mick. The happy husbands-to-be walked in and closed the door behind him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>While Dean wasn't a big fan of the Novak clan - they weren’t so hot of Winchesters and company either - Sam and Charlie couldn’t give a rat’s ass. They both stayed downstairs with Balthazar who’s been the only one to welcome them in. Finding them ‘fascinating’. Whatever the hell that meant. But they were having a good time and Dean wasn’t going to rain on their parade just cause he wasn’t in the mood to mingle.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Instead, he hid in a familiar room, Cas’s childhood bedroom, that looked practically untouched. Even their old snack drawer was still filled with old Halloween candy wrappers. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Making yourself at home?” Mick asked as he looked around the room. His hands touching the items on the desk. “Oh, didn’t know Castiel read comic books.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean sat up as he ran his hand nervously through his hair. “He - um, well - he doesn’t. I mean he does but he won’t buy them himself. Those are all mine.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mick looked at him, eyebrows pushed together as he squinted. “You brought comic books to read?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No!” Dean put the comic book he was reading down on the bed as he stood up to walk over to the bookshelf behind the door. He motioned towards the middle row. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>These</span>
  </em>
  <span> are all mine. I used to bring them so when Cas had to study I wasn’t so bored in his room.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah.” Was all he said as he looked back at the desk. “So you two spent a lot of time together?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean shrugged, his hands awkwardly digging into his pant pockets. “Yeah, I guess. We did go to high school together.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes,” Mick looked over at Dean, a bright smile on his face as if he was excited that he knew something about Cas. “His first public school experience! He told me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean awkwardly chuckled. “Yeah, he got in real trouble when Chuck found out he forged his signature.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Cas! He um, he forged Chuck’s signature on the school papers.” Dean laughed remembering and walking back to sit on the bed while Mick looked at him, eyes sparkling in curiosity. Dean hated it. “Yeah,” He cleared his throat. “Um, Gabriel and Raphel helped him keep the whole thing a secret from Chuck for almost two years. It wasn’t until Cas got suspended that-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Castiel got suspended! He never told me!” Mick grabbed the desk chair and moved it closer to Dean. He looked happy to know more things about Cas and Dean felt himself relax just a little. As much as he was jealous - he was practically hulking out by how damn green he was - he was glad that Mick actually seemed to care about Cas. “Well, go on, Dean.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, yeah.” Dean blinked a few times to catch his thoughts. His face blushing at the memory. “Shit, well, Cas got into a fight.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A fight?!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah!” Dean laughed. “Some guys were messing with me. Just some dumb guy shit, you know. And someone must have called Cas cause all I remember is my nose cracking under a fist and then seeing the dude get tackled down. Like Cas full-on body slammed that dude to the ground!” Dean’s face hurt from the big grin that stretched over his lips. “Then he was screaming! Man, it was some sight! Never seen him so damn rabid like that since but I had to drag him off the guy before he really gave the guy a concussion.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>My</span>
  </em>
  <span> Castiel did that?” Mick sat back in his chair, in amazement and shock while Dean tried to hide the flinch from those words. Rolling his shoulders back before rubbing at the back of his neck. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sure did.” Dean nodded before slowly standing up. “Well, we should head back down-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know,” Mick sighed as he looked down at his hands. “I always feel that Castiel keeps me at a distance. As if he’s still guarding his heart from me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean falls back on the bed with a huff. For fucks sake, he </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>doesn’t want to play counselor to a guy he wants to hate. He could easily do the fake nice guy act and tell Mick that maybe Cas just doesn’t love him. That Cas was just a nice guy who has a hard time saying no to people and while that’s true he really doubts that’s why Cas said yes to him. Cas said yes because he loves this pathetic looking guy and Dean just wants him to be happy. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Even if it’s not with him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Though Mick looked like he already trusted Dean wholeheartedly and it would be so easy - No!</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean sighed as he scrubbed a hand down his face. Knowing damn well he was gonna regret playing nice but the guilt of being a part of hurting Cas would feel a shit ton worse. “Mick, man, Cas is complicated.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mick looked at him with soft round eyes. He was being sincere as fuck and it was annoying. “Not to you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I had practice.” Dean smugly smiled and gave Mick a wink. “Cas is like - fuck how do you even describe that crazy asshole?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mick laughed, relaxing into his chair more. “I guess like that but I wouldn’t say he was an asshole.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean laughed and reached to pat Mick on the shoulder. “Oh, then you really don’t know him! If he hasn’t kicked you out of his car in the middle of a rainstorm because you offended his favorite character then just count yourself lucky.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He did that to you?” His eyes widened in shock.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Twice.” Dean held up the two fingers with a grin. “Had to walk home too because he didn’t come back for me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mick and Dean both laughed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Dean thought as he saw the guy wipe tears from his eyes from laughing. Mick really is a great guy and now Dean just wants to help him. If it means he could make Cas happy then that’s all that mattered. He can at least do that for his old best friend. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s an old soul.” Dean continued and pointed at the bookshelf again. “You can check out the rest of the books and see they’re all classics. He won’t admit to it but he also likes cheesy YA books.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mick got up to check out the bookshelf, his eyes scanning it up and down before he reached for a random book that caught his eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s a grumpy old man mostly. He hates being wrong and would fight you tooth and nail to prove his point.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mick looked up at him and shook his head. “I think me and you really do know two different, Castiels.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean raises his eyebrows at that and hopes his heartbreak doesn’t show on his face. “Kinda curious on what </span>
  <em>
    <span>your </span>
  </em>
  <span>Cas is like.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s focused.” Mick nods stiffly at him before his face scrunches up. “That’s a sad first description of my fiance, isn’t it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean laughed before nodding. “Yeah, dude, it is.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mick looked so in love though as he smiled at Dean. “It’s stupid, Dean, but I just...since I met him I can’t think of anyone else.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>No. No. I don’t want to hear this. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Dean kept that smile on his face as he stood up to maybe distract Mick with a book. Cas usually had dumb bookmarks maybe he can talk about the pressed flowers.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What about you, Dean?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What about me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you feel the same when you got married?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“When I got </span>
  <em>
    <span>what</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” Dean froze in the middle of the room but before Mick could ask again the door swung open. Shielding Mick from view.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean’s eyes meet the baby blue’s that made his stomach flip. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then Cas smiled at him and it wasn’t fair. He shouldn’t be smiling at him like that. Smiling as if Dean was his favorite damn person in the world. As if the hour separation from the last time he saw him was torture for him and seeing Dean was just pure relief. It wasn’t fair. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dean.” Cas sighed, his shoulders dropping as his whole expression softened. He looked so relieved and happy to see him that Dean didn’t know what to do with himself. He just stood there like a dumbass as Cas ran into him. Crashing his whole body against Dean’s own and into a big comforting hug. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then Cas did this laugh - fuck it sounded so unrestrained and heartfelt that it made Dean feel like he was floating - as he hid his face against the crook of Dean’s neck. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I didn’t think you were going to come.” Cas quietly says and the relief in Cas’s voice left Dean more dumbfounded than he already was. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wow! Am I getting one of those hugs too, sweetheart?” There was a small strain to Mick’s happy tone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas froze in Dean’s arms - he even heard the dumbass cuss into Dean’s skin - before he pulled away to look back at Mick. Then looked back at Dean, his dumb head tilt - thank god that didn’t change - and squinty eyes asking questions that Dean could hear clear as day.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean rolled his eyes. “We were just talking. Don’t get your damn panties in a twist, Cas.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I was just asking.” Cas shrugged, a smile in his voice before he walked over to Mick. “I’m glad you two are getting along?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean could hear the damn question in his voice and stuffed his hands in his pockets. His heart was still racing from the few seconds of having Cas so close again. Having him look at him like...like </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mick pulled Cas from around the waist and reached to kiss his cheek. It was sweet and Dean saw the red prick Cas’s cheeks. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We are. I never had a best friend before but I am jealous of your friendship.” Mick looked over at Dean. “Must be nice to have that deep connection with someone.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean looked away. Instead gave his attention to the desk that still had another comic book with a chip bag folded inside to be used as a bookmark.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes.” Cas quietly said before clearing his throat. “Um, why are you both in my room?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I just followed Dean here.” Mick quickly answered while Dean nervously ran his hand through his hair.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know me, Cas. I can’t stay too long with that creepy vampire clan you have as a family.” Dean winked at him while Cas rolled his eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Vampires?” Mick asked as he looked between them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“They’re not vampires.” Cas said at the same time Dean said, “Yeah, you know, bat wings and fangs. The full Twilight!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We don’t have...Dean! Stop telling people my family is made up of vampires!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll be more worried at the fact that people always easily believe me.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah,” Mick awkwardly laughed as he wiggled a finger between Cas and Dean. “Is this like an inside joke?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No.” “Yes.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mick hummed as he dropped his hand. Clearly uncomfortable but he should try stepping into Dean’s shoes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How was the burial?” Mick turned to smile at Cas, leaning in to kiss his shoulder, and Dean had to fight the urge to roll his eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Just cause he thought the dude was nice doesn’t mean he wants to see that shit. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It was fine. Nobody really talked.” Cas nodded, his eyes far away as he was thinking about it because he was unsure. Then he blinked a couple of times before turning to look at Dean again. “Which reminds me, Bobby and you are invited to Dad’s will reading tomorrow afternoon. Actually, invited is the wrong word. You guys have to be there in order for the testament to be read.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” Dean shuffled the weight on his feet awkwardly as he tried to process Cas’s words. “What - wait. Why do we have to be there?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I honestly don’t know.” Cas shrugged, “But I would steer clear of my brothers for a while. Probably Sam too. While Gabriel may think it’s funny, he is the only one. They already don’t particularly like you, Dean.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, Cas, I noticed.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Really? They like me.” Mick proudly said, cheeks high as he smiled.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shocker.” Dean muttered but by the look of Cas’s face, he must have not said it quietly enough. “Whatever. Maybe I’ll just get Sam and Charlie and go home.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas tried to step forward towards Dean but he saw Mick’s grip around his waist tighten. Cas made a face but then he gave Dean one of those fake smiles. “Yeah, probably for the best. Don’t want Mike finding you and interrogating you all night.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean nodded, biting the inside of his cheek before he gave them both the same cocky smile. “Yeah. Sounds like a plan then. I’ll head out then.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean made his way out of the room, not wanting to meet the stare that was digging holes into him. He made it down the hall and was on the first step down the stairs when Cas called out to him. Dean turned around just when Cas stopped only a few inches away from him. From this angle, he can just take the next step up and have his lips pressed up against Cas’s skin. Against his lips. Pull him down for a kiss he desperately can’t stop selfishly thinking about. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At least he can imagine he was brave enough to do that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Instead, he looked down at the piece of paper that Cas was handing him. “Take it, Dean, it won’t bite.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean takes it and looks to see it was Cas’s phone number written in quick handwriting. That dumbass even drew a little happy face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Call me in the morning so I can give you all the details about tomorrow afternoon.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean puts the paper in his pocket as he smiles up at Cas. “Sure, Cas. Thanks.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas smiles back and Dean swears he blushes. Before Dean could enjoy the handsome sight, Cas ducks his head down to leave a kiss on Dean’s cheek. It was quick but it still felt lingering as it burned his skin.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Night, Dean.” Cas whispers as he starts to walk away. “Um, and thanks for keeping Mick company. Give your family my best for me!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean sucked in a shaky breath. “S-sure.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then he waves back at Cas, who looked like he was almost skipping before he disappeared back into his bedroom. Back to Mick.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry for the late chapter! I lost internet for the night. Well according to Twitter a lot of people did so it was the company's fault. <br/>Either way here it is! I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! And thank you so much for the comments you guys are leaving! It makes my heart soar I swear! <br/>Now, tell me what do you think of Mick? :D</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. All I Believe In</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Dean is a little too distracted by everything Cas. Even when he tells himself he has to move on and just be happy for his old best friend. But it's hard when Cas is now just a text message away again.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Rich people really don’t eat, huh?” Charlie said as Dean gets into the drive-through line for some burgers and shakes. She leaned forward on the seat, her head closer to Dean’s as she tried to look at the menu. “Well, at least I know what their houses look like.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why did we have to leave in such a hurry anyway?” Sam was in the passenger seat also staring at the menu before he turned to Charlie. “Are you getting a chocolate one or vanilla? I’ll get the opposite of you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll get chocolate. You get vanilla and Dean can get the strawberry one.” Charlie decides, patting Dean’s head. “Yeah, why did we leave? Didn’t dreamy little Cas just get there?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean rolls his eyes but doesn’t look back at them as they made kissing noises at him. “I won’t buy you guys shit if you keep this up.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That shut them up pretty quickly. Good. Dean was still trying to process what was even said. Cas’s number felt like it was burning in his pocket. He felt stupid for wanting to call him already just to hear his name being said by Cas’s dumb raspy voice. Years of not hearing it really was catching up to him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sam then hit Dean’s arm to grab his attention. “Dude, we’re next.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh.” He went up to the speaker and ordered whatever Charlie kept telling him to say. He wasn’t sure if he got something for himself or even how much it was, just handing his card over when he got to the window. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Charlie and Sam must have noticed his mind was somewhere else. Lost in the tingle that still lingered on his cheek. Lost in that big bear hug that Cas gave him. The way Cas said his name, like a damn prayer, when he finally saw Dean made him feel weak in the knees and he hated it. Hated that Cas already had such a stronghold of him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Of course, they didn’t know that was what he was thinking about. And he’s sure as fuck not going to tell them any of that. It’s his guilty pleasure that he gets to relive in his head and their nosy asses can have none of it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As soon as they had their food Dean parked them in the emptier side of the parking lot before turning the car off. “Okay,” He turned towards them and took the food Sam handed him. “Dude, this is strawberry. I don’t want that shit.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Too bad you already agreed.” Sam held his shake away from Dean. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I paid so I should get first dibs.” Dean reached for it again but Sam held it back, his bitchface front and center. “Sam. Give it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No. This one’s mine.” Sam opened the lid of his shake and licked the top of the ice cream. “See it’s mine now.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean laughed coldly. “Like that will stop me.” Dean was about to jump his brother but Charlie, who probably was tired as shit of seeing their bickering and saw the signs that this was about to turn into an actual wrestling fight, reached forward and took the strawberry shake from Dean’s hand. Replacing it with her chocolate one.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There. Happy?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No.” Not really.” The brothers both mumble as Charlie lifts her hand as a threat and even though she would never actually hit them they saw that she was annoyed. So they both quickly said, “Sorry.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good.” She sat back in the seat and started unwrapping her burger. “Now can we get back to the topic on hand?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Which is?” Dean had a mouthful of burger as he talked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why did we leave so early?” She stuffed a few fries in her mouth as she looked at him with raised eyebrows. Looking like a curious little chipmunk as she chewed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Sam took a bite of the small yellow pepper before he bit into his burger. “I thought Cas wanted us there or whatever.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He did.” Dean looked down at his burger as he talked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, so you did talk to him!” Charlie moved forward in the seat again. She frowned at him/ “How was he? Nobody looked really sad for it being a funeral and all.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean shrugged. “He seemed fine. Didn’t talk for long cause he told me to leave.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?!” Both Sam and Charlie said at the same time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why’d he tell you that?” Sam asked, looking at Dean with round puppy eyes, probably trying to read Dean again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> While Charlie quickly picked up with angry steam. “And after telling you to go? What the fuck kind of-!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Charles. Breath.” Dean put his burger down and wiped his mouth with the sleeve of his jacket. “I guess I should tell you guys since I’m gonna have to tell Bobby soon.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They looked at him. Waiting for answers so Dean quickly told them about the will reading he was invited to go to. Leaving them just as confused as Dean felt.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But...but why you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shit if I know, Sammy.” Dean finished his burger off and worked on his fries, dipping them into the shake. “Cas just said Bobby and me gotta be there for it to be read or whatever.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What if you get money?!” Charlie hit Dean’s shoulder in excitement. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Doubt it. I’ll be lucky if he gives Bobby’s shop back to us.” Sam and Charlie sat back in their seats, nodding in agreement. “I feel kind of bad that a lot of people weren’t mourning and shit but...that dude was </span>
  <em>
    <span>weird</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Creepy.” Charlie added.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Gave me the chills.” Sam shivered. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Rest in peace, Chuck!” Dean added at the end, holding his spoon up in solitary. “May you give Bobby the garage and hopefully your kids won’t kill me. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Salud</span>
  </em>
  <span>!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Charlie and Sam smiled, even Sam who rolled his eyes but played along, as they held their spoons up. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Salud</span>
  </em>
  <span>!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Dean finally arrived home, dropping off Charlie and Sam first, he dragged his feet to his room. This is around the time he hated living by himself. When he comes home and the lights are all off. The air is still and cold. No warmth or sense of home even if this has been his home for the last three years. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean took off his clothes as he went. Dumping it all into the chair in his room before he pulled the covers from his bed to climb inside them. He was too tired from the emotional roller coaster ride he went on the last few days. Tomorrow isn’t going to be any better so he might as well get some rest now. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck. My phone.” Dean groaned as he kicked the covers off and dragged his feet to grab his pants. Digging into its pockets to grab his phone and then stiffening up when he felt the crumpled piece of paper.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He took it out and walked back to bed. Staring at the phone in one hand and the paper in the other. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hmm,” Dean hummed as he studied the number. “So Cas did end up changing it.” Explained the dropped calls and unread text at least. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean slowly added Cas’s number to his phone. He debated on having the name down as Castiel or Cas. Then he debated if he should add an emoji, just something as dumb as a ghost for ghosting him, but he decided against it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just Cas.” He whispers to himself as his thumbs hovered over the screen. His eyes narrowing at the name that haunted him for years. Cause that’s what he was, right? He was just Cas. He wasn’t even his friend anymore. At least Dean doesn’t think so. Even though he wasn’t so sure if he could be </span>
  <em>
    <span>just </span>
  </em>
  <span>friends with Cas, not yet, but...“Fuck it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He quickly opens a new text box and shoots a small little text.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>‘Hey. It’s Dean.’ Dean rolled his eyes but didn’t discourage himself from adding. ‘Just wanted to make sure you had my number too.’</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean looked at the clock on the corner of his screen and thankfully it wasn’t so late that it’ll be mistaken as a damn booty-call. Not that Dean would do that. Not to Cas at least. Maybe he’ll call somebody else for that later cause right now he feels too damn lonely and it’s just fucking suffocating him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He started to scroll through his list of possible hookups - not that big of a list anymore now that people are getting married and shit - when a text notification got his heart racing in his throat. He sat up against his headboard and took a calming breath. His thumb hovered over the screen because he was nervous. It’s probably just a dumb reply too and he’s making this into a big fucking deal when it’s not going to anything important.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>If it’s not a big deal then open it.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He tells himself before sighing and opening up the text.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>‘Hello, Dean. I saved it now.’</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course.” Dean rolled his eyes and dropped his phone on his lap. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His hands went up to cover his face, palms pressing hard into his eyes as his fingers grip at his hair in frustration. He was just mad -no fuck that he was annoyed- at the fact that he gave himself that dumb pep talk and he still held on to hope that maybe Cas would say...what the hell did he want Cas to say to him? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, Dean, you looked great today so I’m leaving my fiance for you!” Dean mimicked Cas’s voice out loud to himself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He groaned and picked up the phone again to just shut it off. There was no need to reply to that. The conversation was over. Clearly, the dude was busy with his damn fiance.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But then Dean stopped short because he found the ‘...’ that kept appearing and disappearing. Damn it! He’s hoping again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean kept his eyes on those dots for what felt like hours instead of the minute that it actually was. His heart beating hard against his chest as he imagined Cas trying to think of what to say. His dumb concentrated face glaring down at the phone. His too big hands holding the phone in between them and his thumbs hovering over the board. Probably overthinking his words or correcting something that just didn’t sound exactly right. Was Cas overthinking his text or was Dean just a dumbass for believing that?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then finally the dots were replaced by words.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>‘I’m sorry if Mick was bothering you earlier.’</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Oh. Not what he thought Cas was gonna say at all. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean straightened up against the headboard. Pulling a pillow against his chest to hug as he texted back right away. Dean wasn’t the type to wait to look cool and Cas knew that. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>‘He wasn’t.’ Dean sent first and then he rolled his eyes as he sent the next text. Nobody can tell Dean he’s anything but supportive. ‘He’s a nice guy.’</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Even if it fucking kills him inside. He bangs his head back against the headboard a few times.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>‘Wow. That must have taken so much out of you to type out.’</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean laughed. Of course, that bastard will know. ‘Shut up, dumbass.’</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>‘I’ll let Mick know you think so highly of him.’</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>‘Okay, I wouldn’t go that far.’</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>‘Is he not your idol?’ Cas sent and Dean rolled his eyes but Cas quickly sent another one. ‘Are you not practicing your accent so you can be just like him?’</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>‘Ha. Ha. Very funny, Cas.’</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>‘Thank you. Glad one of you thinks so.’</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>‘What? Mick not a fan of your dumb dry humor?’</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas sent three texts back to back. ‘No.’ ‘At least I don’t think he does.’ ‘He doesn’t seem to understand when I’m being sarcastic’</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>‘Well, it takes a while.’</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>‘We’ve known each other for 5 years now.’</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>‘Oh.’ Dean said it out loud as well. ‘That long?’</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>‘Yes.’</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>‘Almost has us beat.’</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>‘…’ Dean thinks he fucked up somehow but before he can completely freak out Cas texts. ‘Mick doesn’t come close to what you and I had, Dean.’</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His breath catches in his throat and Dean starts to choke on-air as he reads the text again. What the hell was he supposed to respond to that?! “Lol. Good.” Dean jokes out loud as he wrote those words down but erased them just as quickly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>‘Sorry. I should go. Sorry to keep you up.’</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Shit! No. No. Don’t go Cas.</span>
  </em>
  <span> ‘No biggie. Talk to me whenever, Cas.’</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>‘Thank you. Goodnight, Dean.’</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>‘Night, Cas.’</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then - cause Cas couldn’t get any damn cuter - he sends a sleeping cat emoji along with a flower emoji. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Something came over him. Dean can say he was possessed or something but he sends the damn heart emoji. Then before he can see Cas’s reply - if he does reply - he turns off his phone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Dean tucks himself in his bed. Covers over his head as he closes his eyes. “I’ll deal with that in the morning.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>-</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m just saying,” Bobby has been</span>
  <em>
    <span> just saying</span>
  </em>
  <span> all the way to the lawyer’s office. “We better be getting something good if they’re making us waste another afternoon not working. Are they gonna pay our bills? No.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah. Yeah. Just get everything out now before we get inside.” Dean tells him as he parks the car. He turns the car off as Bobby already reached to open his door. “Hopefully Chuck liked us enough to just give us the shop back. Cause as long as we own it and not them then that's good.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s all we can ask for now.” Bobby gets out of the car and quickly closes the door behind him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Making Dean flinch as he sighs, his head hanging for just a second before he followed Bobby out. Thankfully, because of Chuck, they got to keep the shop open as long as they have but now they’re in a solid place where they can keep it open, and if one of the Novak’s gets it...Dean was just sure they would sell the property. Their family business will be no more. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Why else would Chuck want them here if it’s not for that?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean quickly caught up to Bobby, who didn’t bother to change out of his working clothes and had the damn ripped trucker cap on, before he noticed that his Uncle was walking towards someone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re late.” Cas quickly reaches to take Dean’s hand to drag him inside the large office building as he updates them. “Gabriel is inside trying to keep the peace but don’t worry,” He turns his head to Dean and winks at him. That bastard. “We will be your buffer so you’ll be perfectly safe.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Buffer?” Bobby’s voice gets Dean to stop floating away into Cas’s eyes. “We’re gonna need a damn buffer? What has your Daddy gotten us into, Cas?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, Bobby. If only I knew.” They get into the elevator and Cas lets go of Dean’s hand to smooth his clothes down. Eyebrow raised as if telling him ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>Couldn’t pick anything nice to wear to this important event?’</span>
  </em>
  <span> but Dean also just came back from work. He was lucky that his damn button-up didn’t have any oil stains. But then Cas smiled, “You look nice.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Before Dean could answer, or even think of any words, Cas moved on to Bobby. Surprisingly Bobby let Cas fuss over him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The lawyer told us that all of us, </span>
  <em>
    <span>including </span>
  </em>
  <span>you two, had to be present in order for the will to be read.” Cas fixed Bobby’s hat and nodded before he stood in front of them, facing the door with a heavy sigh. “Hopefully you guys are ready for some fun Novak family time.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean didn’t stop himself as he quickly reached to take Cas’s hand in his. He pretended not to see Cas’s eyes widen as he faced the doors as well. “As long as it’s not some big dumb elaborate joke. We’re missing work for this you know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know.” Cas squeezes his hand, smiling before he turns towards the doors as well. “I’ll take you both out for dinner after this if you like.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Both</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Dean’s heart raced even if it does sound like a date with his Uncle tagging along.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The elevator door opened and Cas quickly started pulling Dean along again. Bobby clearly was looking at them but right now Dean didn’t care as he bumped shoulders with Cas. “That sounds great. What do you have in mind?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Whatever Bobby wants of course.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wanna get the hell out of here.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I was thinking more like in the realm of Biggerson’s?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, sure, we can do that too.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas and Dean both laughed as they bumped shoulders, fingers locking together now before they stopped in front of the right door. Cas turned to smile at Dean, it was soft and reassuring but he was asking Dean something.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m fine. Don’t worry.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If you’re sure.” Cas quickly tells him as he squeezes his hand once before letting go. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean really missed that weight in his hand now. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As soon as the door opened Cas walked through it - he easily ignored the angry glares that seemed to sting Dean frozen - and Bobby had to shove him a little for him to start walking. When the door closed Dean flinched hoping this would end soon. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This was going to be a long meeting. But hey, Dean goes to where Cas was patting the extra seat next to him on the couch and falls beside him, at least Cas was here. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Now that we have everyone. Let’s get started. And please remember that security will call the police this time.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Oh. Fuck.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I can tell by the comments on the last chapter that you all LOVED Mick haha! Thank you so much for your comments omg your theories omg I loved it so much and enjoyed reading them! You guys have real good ideas and it takes me a while to answer them cause I keep trying not to give anything away haha<br/>Well, I hope you all would have a good New Year and that you stay safe. I'm sure Dean and Cas are somewhere ringing in the New Year with their family in the bunker :) <br/>Thank you for reading! <br/>What color heart do you think Dean sent Cas?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. It's You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Dean was locked up in a room full of hot-headed Novak siblings while they read Chuck's last testimony out loud. Lucky for Dean, Cas doesn't mind being used as a pillow. Unlucky for Dean, Cas's siblings are assholes.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The room was way too stuffy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was the feeling throughout the whole will reading. After the first half-hour, Dean was sure that Chuck just wanted them there to bore themselves to death. Cas was busy listening and even taking notes - that big nerd. Bobby was sitting on his own chair beside their shared couch. He looked like he was paying attention but Dean could already read the glossy far away look in his eyes. The old man was falling asleep with his eyes open again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not a bad idea. Dean tilted his head down to rest on Cas’s shoulder and crossed his arms over his chest as he made himself a little more comfortable. He thought for sure Cas was going to say something about it. About him being an idiot and he should sit straight and listen but nope. Instead, Cas moved his pen to his left hand and reached his right hand to gently pat Dean’s hair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The involuntary shiver that ran down his body as he leaned into the soft touch was embarrassing but fuck did he really like this. Cas’s finger softly ran through his hair and scratch at his head. It felt like before. Like they were in a college lecture again and Cas would tell him to go to sleep. That he would take notes because he knew Dean had a long day at work and only had maybe 3 or 4 hours of sleep. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then he felt Cas’s head tilt down to rest upon his and for fucks sake if this wasn’t the most relaxed he has felt all week. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even in this room filled with boring words being spoken - Chuck never really was a great writer but he sure as hell writes a lot - and a tense Novak family, Dean could feel like he could fall asleep right here. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mr. Winchester?” Dean blinked open his eyes as Cas gently patted his face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sat up straighter as he looked up at the lawyer who was practically glaring at him. To be fair it felt like everyone was. “Um, yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He heard Raphael groan in annoyance and Dean tried hard not to glare at Cas’s brother. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re ready to talk about what </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>are getting from Mr. Chuck Novak. So if you’ll </span>
  <em>
    <span>kindly </span>
  </em>
  <span>give me your attention.” The lawyer calmly stated, sounded like a creepy old man from a damn Scooby-Doo episode. Actually, he kinda looked like one too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” Dean nodded once. Feeling Cas squeeze his knee and then everything went to hell.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The words sounded almost far away when the lawyer guy said them and it wasn’t until Bobby was tugging at his arm to stand up that Dean got on his feet. His legs were shaky and he turned to look at his Uncle and Cas who told him to go. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>All he had to do was walk up to the lawyer. To take the pen to accept the gift. Shit. He didn’t even accept those expensive headphones Charlie gave him last Christmas and he was supposed to accept this? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fuck. He’s gonna throw up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dean?” He heard Cas call out to him, the concern was clearly there but Dean didn’t turn to look at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Didn’t really look at anyone really - too busy looking down at the fucking pen he had to pick up. So maybe that’s why he never saw it coming. Saw Mike get up from his chair and land a punch on his jaw. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everything after that was kind of a blur. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t until the security came and everyone froze that he saw Cas standing over Dean. Cas’s fist was pulled back, ready to land another punch on Raphael, while his other hand was grabbing his brother up by the collar. Mike and Luci were still arguing with each other in a wrestling match about who was Chuck's actual favorite son - pathetic for these grown men to be fighting about. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gabriel was sitting, rolling his eyes about all of this, while Bobby and Anna waited outside the office. Yelling at them to stop before the cops showed up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now,” The lawyers spoke up after they all sat back down. “Will Mr. Winchester </span>
  <em>
    <span>please </span>
  </em>
  <span>sign the papers so we can continue?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas shoved Raphael back and he fell back on his ass. He then turned around and held his hand out for Dean to take and help him up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sign them.” Cas' voice was firm as he motioned towards the papers with his chin. Dean was just a little too distracted by his face. It was bloody and his hair was all ruffled. Fuck, bad timing to think Cas looked hot. “Dean.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Yeah.” Dean cleared his throat and quickly took the pen out of the lawyer’s hand to finally sign on the dotted line. The room went quiet again. “There.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Half of the Novak fortune was now his and thankfully so was Bobby’s Garage. Yeah, he’s gonna throw up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The drive to Cas’s hotel was a quiet one. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas was in the passenger seat with his head against the window. His eyes were closed with bloody tissue up his nostrils and an ice pack balancing on his cheek. Dean could see Cas’s foot still taping to the music, he probably didn’t even realize that they were parked outside the building now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean took the chance to just look at him. Enjoying the view of Cas sitting passenger side. He looked so relaxed considering what they just went through and if it wasn’t for the foot taping Dean would think he has fallen asleep. His suit jacket was draped haphazardly on the back of the bench. Remembering Cas getting in the car with an angry huff, loosening his tie, and undoing the top few buttons of his shirt after he slammed the car door shut. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The bruised knuckles and blood speckled shirt didn’t stop Cas from doing his old car routine. Getting angry when his mixtape was not found inside the box but let out a little, “Oh.” when he realized it was already in the tape deck. He quickly rewinded the tape before slipping it back in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dean. I need you to turn on the car.” He told him. Voice low and gravely more than usual because of his frustration. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean just did what he was told. Turning on the car and backing out of the parking space as Cas pressed play to let </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tangerine </span>
  </em>
  <span>fill the car. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now </span>
  <em>
    <span>Kashmir </span>
  </em>
  <span>was playing its final beats and they both knew it was the last song on the tape. Dean drove slow - he even took the long way and tried to hit as many red lights as he could - but it was time for Cas to get out of the car and leave this calm. Leave this safe space. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You sure Bobby isn’t mad for leaving him with Gabriel?” Cas didn’t look at him as he asked. His arms just wrapped tighter as he hugged himself. He was stalling and Dean really wished he didn’t have to leave the car at all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean nodded even though Cas wasn’t looking at him. He relaxed against his seat with a heavy sigh and when he nervously licked his lips he could taste the dry blood on them. The split on his bottom lip was apparently much smaller than he imagined but still burned like a motherfucker. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He likes Gabriel - surprisingly enough - so I’m sure he’s fine.” Dean reaches over to hover his fingertips over his throbbing cheek and he lets out a small chuckle. “Never imagined </span>
  <em>
    <span>this </span>
  </em>
  <span>is how today was gonna go.” He throws his head back to rest against the bench seat. “Fuck my face hurts.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sees movement out of the corner of his eye and then he feels an ice pack gently being pressed against his lip. Cas scooted closer to him on the bench, tucking his feet under himself so he could kneel beside Dean, and look down at him with such wide sad eyes. It was heartbreaking to see those baby blues look so broken. Almost empty. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The anger clearly faded and now Cas was left mourning not only his father but a life he just can’t afford anymore. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean covered Cas’s hand with his own and slowly lowered the ice pack just as Cas scrunched his lips together to hold back his cry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cas,” Dean looked up at him and carefully reached to wipe the stray tear that escaped. “It’s okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas nodded as he smiled through the tears he was now freely letting fall now. Landing down on Dean’s own cheeks. “I know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then why are you crying?” Dean didn’t move from where he was looking up at Cas. Letting his thumb make small circles against Cas’s bruised up cheek. “You know I wouldn’t ever leave you to fend for yourself. You’re too stupid for that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas laughed, it was mixed in with a sob but his eyes looked brighter. That was good. Dean can’t stand looking at those still icy eyes any longer. He wanted him warm cause that is what Cas is. He’s warmth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you mad at me for accepting?” Dean quietly asked as he took the ice pack from Cas and raised it up with his free hand to press against Cas’s eyebrow bone where a ring must have cut him. Dean’s other hand was still carefully tracing his cheek. If he could only have these touches for this short time then he is sure as fuck going to take advantage of them. Of these soft touches. Quiet whispered voices. This closeness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas has to go back to Mick but right now Cas was his. In this car, Cas was his. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Course not, Dean.” Cas closes his eyes with a wince. “I’m glad you accepted. Dad never really liked me so I was surprised I was even mentioned in the testament at all. I am fine with what I got. Then again,” Cas opened his eyes and raised his bad brow only to wince harder. “Fuck, that’s gonna be annoying.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Control your damn face.” Dean chuckled as Cas stuck his tongue at him. “Then again?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, um, then again I didn’t expect </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>to get the big price.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You sound mad.” Dean looked back at him with a wary look and Cas reassured him with a smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Confused is more accurate.” Cas took the melting ice pack from Dean and now it was Dean’s turn to get his bruised face iced. “I just wish we had more closure. Like what the hell does it mean that you were the only one doing what you were supposed to be doing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck if I know, man, but...I’m sorry, Cas.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be, dumbass.” Cas chuckled as he carefully dabbed at his lower lip. “I’m happy for you, Dean. Truly. I’m glad that you were there for him when none of us were. Even if he was difficult at times.” Cas sighed and leaned back on his legs. “I’m glad he was just as fond of you as I was. It’s nice to know I had that in common with my Dad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean made a face. “Dude, hopefully not the same way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas threw his head back to laugh. It was loud and his eyes crinkled on the side. His dumb nose scrunched up as he leaned forward to grin back at Dean. Eyes so bright and warm that Dean could feel his breath catching in his chest. It was such a beautiful sight that Dean sat up and stretched his neck until their noses were nuzzled together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean could feel Cas’s gasp out in shock, his breathing coming out shaky and heavy against Dean’s lips. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. What is he doing? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cas?” Dean watched as Cas slowly closed his eyes. He answered with a soft hum before swallowing hard. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean’s hand reached to cradle the back of Cas’s neck as his heart pounded in his chest. It felt so damn heavy and scary because Cas was so close. He could kiss him right now. Fuck, he can have those damn sweet bruised up lips against his own for another second. He can have him like this one final time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Feel the burn of his mouth against his own and let that be enough. Let it be the only thing that had him floating above water or it could finally be the thing that drowns him. Be the thing that finally takes him under and he’ll have no choice but to fight for his life. Fight to finally have Cas. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dean.” Cas’s voice was shaky and desperate. It sounded like an agonizing plea while he felt Cas shuffle closer. Then Dean’s eyes dropped closed as he felt just the slight brush of their lips. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He felt Cas’s full-body shiver as he sighed and Dean wanted to see more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A whimper escaped between Dean’s lips as he felt his whole body heat up and he knew - fuck he knows! - how stupid this is. How much this will hurt when he eventually ends up getting fucking pulverized but he can’t think of that right now. He can't think of the damn consequences when Cas is right here. When he is slowly crumbling against his touch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean tilted his head forward again to brush their lips together to finally-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The loud knocking on the roof of the car made them jump back. Cas quickly crawled back to his side of the bench only to jump back when Mick was at the window. Clearly forcing a smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Clearly, he saw the whole thing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cas.” Dean tried reaching for him but Cas was already opening the car door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mick looked like he was about to scream but his face froze as the anger faded to concern. “Castiel! What - what happened?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can we talk inside?” Cas closed the car door and Dean flinched in the driver's seat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure.” Mick took Cas’s hand and Dean couldn’t see their expressions anymore but he saw Cas stiff shoulders as they walked away from the car. Hand in hand they didn’t look back and Dean was left alone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas didn’t pick him again. He knew it too and it still fucking hurt like a son of a bitch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hit the steering wheel in frustration a few times, letting out screams before he quickly turned on the car to start to drive. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He can’t go home. No. Home kind of walked away from him again. But he’ll stay at Bobby’s. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just the idea of walking into his cold apartment shatters him. So he’ll go and bother his little brother. He’ll just...he’ll take the long way home. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean spent most of the next day bussing himself with work. If he wasn’t under a car then he was in his office - pulling his hair mostly - finishing paperwork that felt never-ending. He ignored his personal phone - putting it on do not disturb with the exception of Sam, Charlie, and Bobby - while he tried to think of anything but Cas. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He did it for five fucking years so why was it so hard now? Why can’t he just push him back and out of his mind again?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean let his head fall and bang against the desk. Maybe it’ll knock some sense back into him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why is it that you’re always doing that when I walk in?” He heard Sam’s voice and Dean’s response was just to flip him off. He heard Sam laugh and then two chairs scrape against the floor. He looked up to see Charlie was also there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you two want? I told you I still don’t have the money.” He folded his arms on the desk and let his chin rest on them. “I promise I’ll call you so you can see the number.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s dinner time, stupid.” Charlie pushed the paper bags on the desk where Sam was cleaning up. Stacking papers on one side and making room so they wouldn’t dirty anything. She smiled down at him, it was sad again. “You didn’t eat breakfast and barely finished your lunch.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not hungry.” He shrugged as if they would buy it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They shared a look with each other and Dean rolled his eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, we are. So eat with us.” She said while she opened the paper bags to hand him the food they got him. “We even went across town to get those curly fries you like.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah and look!” Sam gives him a black styrofoam take out container. “We got you that berry cobbler you like! With ice cream.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean lifts his head up and accepts the cobbler. “Fine. But it better be warm.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were about to start eating when they heard a soft knock at the door. Dean sighed as he called out, “It’s open!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The door slowly opened and then Cas popped his head in with an awkward smile. Those sad eyes front and center again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean quickly stood up but then he noticed Mick was standing beside him with his arm around Cas’s waist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, hello everyone.” Cas smiled at them and there was a hard tug on his lips. He swallowed hard as he awkwardly shuffled his feet before stuffing his hands in his pockets. Then his eyes looked up to meet Dean’s. “Dean? Can we talk?”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No. No.</span>
  </em>
  <span> It sounds broken. Sounds like he’s about to say...goodbye. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Wow. Wow. Wow.<br/>This fic is almost over! There is one last chapter left! I know it says 9 chapters will be posted but chapter 9 is just a little extra side piece lol So tomorrow's chapter is the last one! Technically. Kind of.<br/>I promise. It's a happy ending fic.<br/>So, please tell me what you guys think? I would love to hear it! I love reading all your predictions too! Some of you are real close and it's exciting. While others made me wish I would have written that instead lol<br/>Thanks again for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Too Good at Goodbyes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Dean and Cas finally use their words. And sometimes it's too late. Sometimes it's just the relief of just knowing that makes someone truly happy.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Oh,” Sam quickly stands up and nudges Charlie to stand up with him. “Mick! You should come see Charlie’s cafe!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Charlie was quick to pick up Sam’s plan - an obvious one - as they both stumbled over each other to push Cas inside the room and pull Mick away. Sam wrapped an arm around Mick’s shoulders, towering over him, while Charlie tugged at his arm.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Um, I think I’ll just stay with Castiel.” Mick tried to pull away from them but Sam had already pushed him away from the office door. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t be silly! I have like </span>
  <em>
    <span>thee </span>
  </em>
  <span>best pies in town!” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Their voices slowly started to get further and further away. Mick trying to politely decline while Sam and Charlie talked his ear off. It would have been funny if Cas wasn’t standing right in front of him practically shaking like a damn leaf. His jaw was clenched as he kept his hands balled up in the dumb ugly trench coat again. He looked cute though. With nice fitting black jeans and a half-tucked in forest green sweater. Matching the fall weather perfectly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean swallowed hard before taking a step towards him. “Are you okay?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No.” He answered quickly and firmly. Cas’s eyes were looking at him now. Ice piercing through him and chilling him through his bones. Making him stop where he was standing. Still a few steps away from Cas.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.” Dean’s voice was low, shaky. “I’m sorry, Cas. I’ll behave!” Dean took another small step towards him. “I’ll do better just don’t-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas looked away from him, shoulder’s stiff as he poked his tongue at his cheek. “I just came to let you know that we’re leaving tonight. We’re going to the airport after this.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean’s breath caught in his throat. This </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>goodbye. This was another damn goodbye and it felt so familiar, heartbreak and all.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t.” Dean walked towards Cas but stopped just an arm’s reach away. He hasn’t had enough time with him. And he knows - he fucking knows - that if Cas leaves that he would never see him again. Cas didn’t need money when Mick was perfectly well off. He would live comfortably with his dumb British fiance so there was no need for him to even come back. To come back to Dean. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>No. Cas was saying goodbye for the last time. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas turned to look him over and his face scrunched up but that stubborn asshole won’t admit to his tears. Instead, he kept looking at Dean with a serious glare. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I thought I’ll get more time to...to maybe-” Dean continued as his hand reached out to take Cas’s arm but Cas pulled away. And shit. That. That fucking hurt. Dean nodded in understanding as he sucked on his lower lip. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Don’t touch. Got it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mick wants to go home early. He um, he doesn’t like it here.” Cas looks away again, looking down at their feet as his lips scrunched up. Nose wiggling as he let out a sniffle. “So it doesn’t look like we’ll ever come back to visit.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is it,” Dean stuffed his hands in his pocket as he cleared his throat. “Is it cause of me? Did you get in trouble?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas let out a loud hollow laugh and when he looked back at Dean he was smiling. It was so sad and broken before he wiped his tears away. “Of course it’s because of you! You fucking dumbass.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, got it.” Dean nodded as he scratched at the back of his head. Should he reach for him again? He wanted to just pull him in for a hug but Cas doesn’t want that. “Maybe I can try to talk to Mick! Tell him that - no?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas was shaking his head as he let out a shaky breath. His shoulders shook and finally, the stiffness was gone. “He doesn’t particularly like you anymore, Dean.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I don’t really like myself right now either.” Dean shrugged before smiling at Cas. Cas’s shoulders fell as he let a soft chuckle before his face crumbled and he jumped into Dean’s arms. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas hugged - no he was gripping him - Dean for dear life. His face tucked into the crook of Dean’s neck as his whole body shook with a soft sob. Dean’s eyes shut as he wrapped his arms around Cas. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was obvious now that Cas didn’t choose him. He was leaving with Mick and they’re never going to see each other again. Dean can’t even keep him in his life because he lacks basic self-control. All he wants is to hold Cas. To lean into Cas. To take his hand and walk down the sidewalk with him. To kiss him. To love him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Stay?” His brittle voice was barely a whisper but he knew Cas heard him as he nuzzled his face deeper into Dean’s skin. The only response was another shaky cry so Dean kept his hold on Cas, fingers gripping at the back of his coat with a hold that started to burn.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll do better. I promise I’ll do better.” He sounded like he was pleading with him now and Cas pulled away just enough to take Dean’s face in his hands. His thumbs wiped away tears as he looked at him with knitted eyebrows.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not you, Dean.” Cas reassures him. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I said...I promise it’s not you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then why-?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I want to kiss you right now.” Cas smiles, such a sad depressing excuse of a smile. “I want to kiss you more than I have ever wanted to kiss anyone.” Then he shrugs as his thumb traced over Dean’s lower lip. “But I can’t.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why not?” Dean kissed his thumb.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas let out a shaky laugh while he rolled his eyes. “You know why.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mick.” Of course. He didn’t even know why he asked such a dumb question when he already-</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No. Well, yes. Him too.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What else is there, Cas?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas tilted his head at him and narrowed his eyes at him with that damn look. The one that was asking</span>
  <em>
    <span> are-you-really-that-stupid-or-are-you-fucking-with-me</span>
  </em>
  <span>? Dean just raised his eyebrows in response. Waiting for Cas to answer.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you really think I’m so fucking stupid, Dean?” Cas pushed away from him and crossed his arms over his chest. His fist digging into his side. “Just because you don’t introduce me to them doesn’t mean I don’t know!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Them? What the hell are you talking about, man?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know you’re married, Dean!” Cas ran his hands through his hair in frustration. “God! I feel so gross!” He started to pace the small office as he rambled on in frustration. “I thought because you were married that I could...that </span>
  <em>
    <span>we </span>
  </em>
  <span>could be friends! But I was dead wrong. Oh fuck I was so fucking wrong!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Married? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Married</span>
  </em>
  <span>! Cas thought...Mick has said...shit! Dean can only watch him as he tried to connect wires in his head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas stopped and pointed a finger at him. “You know how guilty I’ve been feeling since I fucking kissed you again? I knew you were married but you were just...fuck I missed you so much! And you were right in front of me again.” He took a deep breath as he shakingly glared harder at Dean. “I love my fiance! I do but fuck - Mick is right, Dean.” He was pacing again, wiping tears as he went. “Mick is so right. We need to leave now before me and you end up fucking up our lives just because we still love each other.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Those words made Dean blink back at him. He sucked in an audible breath as the realization hit him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas then stopped in front of him with a dramatic eye roll and tilt of the head. “Dean? Are you really just gonna stand there and not say - oof!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean took Cas’s face in his hands and finally kissed him again. He chokes down a cry as he kisses Cas slowly and softly. Feeling Cas melt against him and grip at his sleeves while his breath tickled Dean’s lips. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When he pulled away Cas’s eyes fluttered open as his eyes started to round up and fill with tears. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You love me?” Dean asked as he pulled Cas close and nuzzled their noses together. Cas nods a few times quickly before chasing after Dean’s lips.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Their lips brushed, delicate, smoothly, as their salty tears mixed in between them. Cas’s finger shakingly pressed against the base of Dean’s jaw to hold him. They kissed once. Twice. Three times. Until they were both left dizzy and breathless while they leaned against each other. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Say it.” Dean’s voice was small but Cas smiled as he nuzzled their noses together.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you, Dean.” Dean’s heart leaped in his chest and he couldn’t stop to think when he picked Cas up in his arms to sit him down on the open space in the desk. Cas laughed as he wrapped his arms around his neck and pulled him back down for another kiss.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Your turn,” Cas tells him as he starts to pepper small kisses on the side of Dean’s face. Starting with the small tear on Dean’s lower lip and on his bruised up cheek. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean laughs as he nuzzles his face into Cas’s throat, the giggle that Cas let out should be fucking illegal for how cute it fucking was. Kissing him and feeling so damn weightless and happy. He was just given a stupid amount of money but this - Cas in his arms - was the happiest he has felt in so long. He loves him! </span>
  <em>
    <span>He loves me!</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you, Cas.” Dean pulls back so he can look at him while he says it. “Fuck, I love you so much.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas sucks in a shaky breath as he looks at him and fuck he looked so happy. So damn bright like Dean was handing him the whole fucking moon. Cas leaned forward again but they both froze with lips barely brushing as they heard Cas’s name being called from the garage.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shit! Mick.” Cas pushed Dean off as he jumped off the desk and started to straighten up his clothes and smooth down his hair. Dean didn’t even realize he pulled at Cas’s arm until Cas tugged at it, eyes wide and worried. “Dean, </span>
  <em>
    <span>please</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I gotta go.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t. Don’t go, Cas.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas sighed. “Please don’t make this harder than it already is. We both already have-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not married, Cas!” That made Cas stop. He opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out so Dean continued. Pulling Cas close to him again. Gently cradling his face as he looks back at those wide confused eyes. “I’m not married. I don’t know where you even got that shit from but I’ve never been married. Shit, Cas, I haven’t even had a damn date in a fucking year.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas’s eyes kept flickering on him as if trying to read him. “But I-I...I came back.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You what?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I came back, Dean.” Cas repeats himself as he puts a hand over Dean’s. “A few months after I left. I couldn’t handle your rejection…But one day I just missed you. I needed to hear your voice so I went through my old phone to listen to your voicemails. I went through your text and then your emails.” Cas leaned forward to press his forehead against Dean’s. “Fuck, I’m so sorry I left you like that. It was a few months after your Mom died and I knew how you would get so I saved up money to come back. To see you. To take care… but I was too late.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Those few months were all a big blur and Dean pulled back to look at Cas’s tearful expression. “You came back?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas nodded with a broken laugh mixed in with a sob. “Yeah. Dropped out of my first year and everything. Gabriel was pissed.” Cas wiped his tears with his sleeve. “But you were already with someone. I-I saw you with a baby and figured…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dude, that’s not my kid. Lisa and I only dated for a while after Mom died. She was just...she was just there.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But Dad said you guys were planning your wedding.” He looked past Dean again, with the faraway look in his eyes. “I had to go back to him because I didn’t have enough money to go home and he told me all about you two. That you were happier than anyone has ever seen you.”  Cas then blinked at him again. Focusing on Dean once more as his shoulders stiffened. He poked Dean’s shoulders as he glared at him. “He told me that </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>said I was dead to you. That you fucking hated me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean slapped his hand away. “Dude, stop poking me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He said you hated me and wanted me dead, Dean!” Cas’s eyes were shaking now as he glared at him. “Do you hate me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No! Shit, Cas! Course I don’t!” He grabbed Cas’s shoulders. “Is that what you thought this whole time?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dad said-” His voice was low. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re Dad hated your guts, Cas!” He watched Cas’s lost eyes slowly start to click things together. “Why would you believe him?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I was surprised when you said you missed me when we saw each other again.” Cas laughed, it was a little manic. “Fuck and then you said you loved me! And - And it was all too much.” Cas meets his eyes again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wasn’t sure if you were messing with me. And I… And I-I-I couldn’t let you have so much control of my heart again. I just couldn’t, Dean.” Cas reaches over and cradles Dean’s face in his hands again. “Losing you - saying goodbye to you - was the hardest thing I ever had to do.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean leans into the touch. “Then stop saying goodbye, Cas.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then what am I supposed to do? I said yes to Mick already, Dean. I’m supposed to get married to him soon.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you love him?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas nods slowly, a painful smile across his lips before he pressed their foreheads together. “But I love you more. I love you, Dean. It’s so fucking stupid how much I fucking love you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean took those words in. He swallowed them and tried to understand them before he did something he’ll regret. Cas loved him. He knows that now and he was so damn close. He was in his grasp and Dean knew that if he tilted his head forward and kissed him, that Cas would kiss him back. He knew. But it wasn’t enough. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean grabbed Cas’s hand as he pulled them off of him, kissing his palms, before letting them drop and taking a step back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, Cas, but I think it’s time for you to choose.” Cas reached for him but then dropped his arms to his side. “I love you and I wanna kiss you but I won’t. Not if you’re already spoken for and I’m just fucking things up for you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas nodded as he started to nervously play with his engagement ring. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean gave Cas his back. Not wanting to see him make the decision. Not wanting to see him walk away. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This is it. Isn't it? After this, he’ll have no choice but to move on. They will finally have closure to their story. It was just the wrong timing. It was just too messy and filled with too much miscommunication to move on from. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas already had a life. Had a home. Had someone he loved and loved him back. It was just Dean that couldn’t move on. Couldn’t stop thinking, what if? What if he never agreed on his date with Lisa? What if Dean caught Cas on time the first time he left? What if he pulls Cas into a kiss right now? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then Dean flinched as he heard the door open. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And there was his answer. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas was gone. Once again picking Mick while Dean was left behind. Not good enough to love. To stay for. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He let his head fall into his hands as he took a deep shaky breath. No. He won’t cry. He won’t cry. Fuck. He won’t-</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dean?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean quickly spun around to face him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Um, I had to give the ring back.” Cas motioned as he closed the office door again. “We should probably stay here for a while. Mick is not taking the news so well.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dean was in front of him in a few long strides and held Cas from the back of the neck. Looking at him in disbelief. “You didn’t leave.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas smiled back at him as he reached to wipe away tears from Dean’s face. “I didn’t leave.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Does that mean-?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It was an easy choice.” Cas wrapped his arms around Dean’s middle and kissed the corner of his mouth. “I pick you, Dean. Every time. I mean I do feel bad for leaving Mick like that when he just paid for the plane tickets but may-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Cas didn’t finish his sentence as he sunk against Dean’s lips. A small gasp let Dean finally deepen the kiss between them and he felt like he finally knew what it was like to love someone. What all those cheesy rom-com movies talk about when you kiss the right person. When the right person loves you back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you.” Dean says as he starts to pepper kisses around Cas’s jaw. Going down his throat until he can nuzzle his nose into the crook of his neck. “Fuck, Cas. I love you so much and I promise. I promise. I’ll make you happy.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You already do.” Cas sighed as he held him, his hands going up and down Dean’s back. To reassure him. To tell him that he was right there. Finally staying. Finally choosing him. “I love you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And finally loving him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you all know that this whole story was literally inspired by 15x18. Well, just Cas's confession. Also, all the chapter titles are song names that I listened to while writing the chapter. I just suck at chapter titles.</p>
<p>I rewrote this chapter a few times cause I kept thinking it's to dialogue but they need to use their damn words! There was no way around it. They needed to use their words so too much dialogue it is!</p>
<p>Tell me what you thought of the last chapter! Please! If you hated it that's dope too just let me know!</p>
<p>Also, the next chapter is sort of a surprise and will be posted soon!</p>
<p>Thank you so much for reading and leaving such awesome comments!! I got way too many AU's - you can thank hyperfixation for that one - so I'll keep bothering you guys with my stories :) </p>
<p>Oh, bother me on tumblr - under the same now - and share with me your thoughts! Or send me prompts cause I should start taking those lol </p>
<p>Thank you! This was fun!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Whole Lotta Love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Castiel was moving on with his life. He is engaged to a man who loves him and has a semi-relationship with his family. Then his father dies and Cas has to go back to his hometown. It's fine. It's not like he would bump into the man he loved on his first day back and realize that - oh shit! He still loves him! Now what?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Just as a heads up! This is all in Cas's POV so you will read some Cas/Mick stuff but don't worry it's still the happy ending we all wanted.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Cas kicks the front door of his childhood home closed and drops back against it with a huff. He drops his head back and bangs his head against the hardwood for a few seconds before he hears steps walking towards him. He opens his eyes and sees it was Michael who was striding forward, a curious glare fixed upon him before he raised his eyebrows. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Was that the hick’s car, Castiel?” Cas rolled his eyes as he pushed off the door and walked to shove the bags into Michael’s chest. He only laughed in response as he took the bags and ignored Cas’s shoulder shove. “You’ve only been here for </span>
  <em>
    <span>one </span>
  </em>
  <span>day and you’re already crawling back to those Winchester’s again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t see how that concerns you, Mike.” Cas didn’t look behind him as he walked up the stairs to his old bedroom. He needed to lie down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, Mick went out with Gabriel to go pick you up. Do you know Mick? The man you agreed to marry?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas sighed as he gripped the stair banister before he turned to glare back at his older brother. “I know very well who I am engaged to. Thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Michael shrugged, a smirk on his face as he started to walk away. Cas tightens his hold on the banister as he fights his instinct to at least throw his shoe at his cocky brother. “Just didn’t want you to forget. Mick is a good man.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You mean because he comes from a </span>
  <em>
    <span>good </span>
  </em>
  <span>family?” Cas caught himself making air quotes again and quickly put his hands deep in his pockets. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Exactly.” Michael disappeared around the corner and into the kitchen. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re an ass! You know that!” The only response was a laugh and Cas stomped his way back up the stairs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s almost 30! He should not be bullied by his older brothers but here he was. Slamming his bedroom door shut and quickly jumping into his old bed like good ol’ days. He laid on his back and stared up at the ceiling as he hugged a pillow to his chest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean kissed him. He kissed Dean. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas’s fingers hovered over his lips as he sucked in a breath before he screamed into his pillow. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>What the hell was he thinking kissing him? Fuck, it was good. It was so good. His heart hasn’t stopped racing since getting out of the car. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>How many times has he just imagined being back in that car since he left? He hasn’t thought about it in a while but all those feelings just rushed him as soon as he saw Dean. In his stupid cute work overalls too! Messy hair and...No!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope.” Cas sat up and patted his chest as if that would calm his heart up. “Stop. Stop.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘He’s already married, Castiel’ He thinks to himself before he pulls off his gloves to look upon his engagement ring. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They both moved on. Yeah. Yeah, so what if Dean says he loved him way back when? So what if Dean fucking Winchester just made out with him? Cas wasn’t going to break up a family just because he wants to kiss the guy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Yeah! That’s it. It’s just the sexual tension.’ Cas tells himself as he lets out a shaky breath. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Castiel?” Cas looks up as his door begins to open and Mick poked his head in. “Hey, sweetheart, did you</span>
  <em>
    <span> actually </span>
  </em>
  <span>walk all the way home?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He closed the door behind him and walked to sit on the bed with Cas. His gentle fingers started to run through his hair and calm Cas’s mind. Yeah. he’s moved on. He shouldn't worry about it anymore. He has Mick now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay?” He hears Mick quietly ask before he leaves a small kiss on his temple. Cas melts into it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Cas sighed as he smiled at him. Thankfully Mick wasn’t the best at reading him so the guilt was easily hidden away. “I’m just tired.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You wanna head back to the hotel? You can nap there while I finish some work.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas nodded a few times. Yeah, he shouldn't stay in his old room where most of the things in here were Dean’s. But there was something he had to do first.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas grabbed Mick’s face and kissed him. His fiance was shocked by the sudden kiss because that’s not who they are. Mick was so gentle with him. He was patient and waited for him even after two years of just being friends because Cas didn’t want to date anyone who was friends with his older brothers but Mick wasn’t anything like them. He was nice. He was kind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Cas hates himself for making excuses about why Dean’s kiss was better. It was because there was desperation. There was tension there. They haven't seen each other in years, of course, it’ll be hot but...this - with Mick - was </span>
  <em>
    <span>nice</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he pulled away Mick blinked at him a couple of times with blushed cheeks. “Wow. What was that for?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas just shrugged. “I just missed you today. You’ve been with Gabriel all day.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mick nuzzled his nose against Cas’s own as he left a small peck on his lips. “Then I promise to be gone more often.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You better not.” Cas smiled and kissed the side of his mouth before he stood. “Come on. I wanna leave before Mike sends me another errand run.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mick wraps his arms around Cas’s waist as they start to walk out the door, his lips leaving little kisses at the back of his neck that did make his heart race. Cas loves him. There is no doubt about that or about Mick’s love for him so he shouldn’t think about Dean again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hasn’t done so in years! So it should be easy to push him deep into his mind again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s not like those green eyes and cute little smirk has any effect on him. Nope.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They walked down the stairs and to the kitchen where all the noise was coming from. He walked in to see - with no surprise - Mike and Luci arguing about something that Ralphael probably said. Judging by that sly leer he had across his face. Gabriel was in the middle trying to calm them down while Anna was nowhere to be found again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re leaving!” Castiel calls out over their screams. As soon as he had their attention he cleared his throat as he lowered his voice. “We will see you at the funeral tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait. Castiel?” Cas froze - a damn chill went up his spine - when Michael called out for him. “Are you going to need a ride?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh. He was being nice. “Um, no. Mick rented a car.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh good!” Micahel walked over to him and there was a flash of something malicious on his face. Fuck, he fell into a trap. “I could have called Dean for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas could feel his ears heat up. “That won’t be necessary.” He hissed between his teeth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You sure, Cassie?” Luci - of course piggybacking from Michael - walked to tower over him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas turned towards Mick. “How about you go and warm up the car and I’ll be out in a few?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mick squeezed his hand but nodded. He wished everyone goodnight and it wasn’t until they all heard the front door slam closed that were all screaming at each other. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I said mind your own fucking business, Michael! Just because you are divorced that does not mean you have to make all of us sad and single!” Castiel shoves at his brother. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gabriel was quick to step between them when Mike lifted his arm to lay a punch on him. He instantly calmed down when Gabe pushed him back. “Okay! We’re stopping this! Do you think Dad would want us to show up to a public event bruised up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No. It wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Do you think Dad would want us fighting?’</span>
  </em>
  <span> because they were all always fighting. It was all his family did. It was all his father did.  As long as their image to the outside world is fine then they can cut each other’s throat all they want. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They all immediately backed away from each other. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine.” Mike fixed his tie. “It’s not like we’re going to see that Winchester again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s going to the funeral.” Cas turned to walk away not caring enough to see their expressions. “And you better not fucking bother him or his family tomorrow!” Cas opened the front door. “Goodbye!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘So we’re not going to be adults about this.’ Cas thought as he watched Dean and his family walk away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He felt Mick kiss his cheek as he squeezed him closer. “So that’s Dean. He seems...</span>
  <em>
    <span>nice</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas heard something off in his voice and he felt that annoyance bubble in him but he cleared his throat, shaking his head, before letting it rest down on Mick’s shoulder. He knows he was just getting too protective of Dean, the same feeling he has always felt since meeting him at 14 years old. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He is.” Cas can hear the stiffness in his voice. “Um, you go sit down. I’m gonna go look for Gabriel.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You sure?” Mick gently tilts his head so Cas had to look at him. “You look a little shaken up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mick leans in to give him a kiss but Cas ducks his head. His lips pressing against his hair. “I’m fine. Nobody here really misses my Dad.” Cas chuckles, it was cold and that only made Mick look at him with rounder eyes. “Save me a seat, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mick’s only response was a stiff nod while Cas leaves the entrance to walk to the back offices where his siblings have been hiding the whole time. None of them wanted to go speak to their extended family but instead, they found it more important to practice their speeches for when they had to go up and pretend to be a perfect child to the perfect father. Cas was quick to deny making a speech along with Gabriel. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The place is as full as it could be.” Cas announced as he walked in, dropping a kiss on Anna’s cheek when he saw her. “Where have you been?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The further I am from all of you the more I feel like I keep my brain cells.” She quickly and easily answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fair enough.” Cas smiled back at her before he went to sit beside Gabriel.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not a dry eye in the house I assume.” Raphael comments and they all chuckled. It was dry and humorless. The air was still calm around them. Nobody has raised their voice all day. Maybe their father’s death hitting them differently. They weren’t sad. No. It almost felt like they were all disappointed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe all for different reasons. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas was sure disappointed that the man decided to die before they could work things out. But of course, Chuck’s anger would take a hold of his heart and end up killing him. Kinda left Cas feeling stupid for even caring about him but tears have not shed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not from the guest. Not from his siblings. Not from him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas spent the rest of the funeral sitting beside Mick trying not to roll his eyes at the melodramatic way his siblings were all acting. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When the whole thing was over Cas sent Mick to their house because he wasn’t allowed to the burial per their father’s request. His siblings were already gone to wait in their cars but Cas stayed behind to make sure everything was running smoothly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re ready to take your father to the car.” A funeral service worker told him and Cas was ready to just nod and let him get on with it but something stopped him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, can you give me a few minutes?” Castiel asked him but didn’t wait for a response, not wanting to see the pity in his eyes cause that’s not what he deserved. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas walked over to the casket knowing he didn’t miss his father. No. He missed the father who he wished he had. A father who rarely showed himself to him. In birthday letters with money inside, even after he moved away and was cut off. In random books being delivered to his door all year round by someone unknown but knowing it was his father because the book was used with little notes written on the margins and the bookmark was still between the pages. A leaf or another piece of trash stuck between them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t understand his father but he… but he really fucking wished he had more time to do so.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cas?” He heard his name being called and he turned just slightly to see who the faraway voice belonged to. Oh. Dean.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Next thing Cas knew, his face was being gently cradled in Dean’s big rough hands. Eyes soft and warm as he stared back at him. Cas thought that he was okay but then he heard Dean ask, “Hey. Hey, Cas, it’s okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And that’s when Cas realized that it wasn’t. No. He wasn’t okay. This whole situation wasn’t okay. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Dean let him cry. He let him cry and didn’t mock him for feeling anything but anger towards his father. Dean held him and heard him. He understood. Like he always has. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And he’s gonna see him later. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before going back to face his siblings Cas quickly goes to the bathroom to splash water on his face. He can’t look like he was crying. His brothers will give him no mercy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The house was filled to the brim but Sam was easy enough to spot. He was with Charlie and Balthazar in the backyard. There was a big group of them laughing over something but Cas didn’t see Dean in the crowd. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t know what switched in his head but as soon as the burial was over and Cas got in his car he couldn’t wait to go home. To see Dean. To be in his arms and just be held. He knows it’s wrong. He knows but a hug is nothing but innocent. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sam,” Cas pulls at Sam’s arm. “Where’s your brother?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, um,” Sam looked over the crowd and was about to shrug with a small pout when Charlie grabbed his attention. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He went upstairs. Said he wanted some peace and quiet.” She tells him and Cas smiles a thank you to them before quickly walking over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He took the steps two at a time knowing where Dean would be. The only place Dean would feel comfortable in this entire house. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As soon as he opened his bedroom door and saw Dean - looking beautiful and bright - he felt relief crash over him like a beach wave. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dean.” He wasn’t sure if he said his name out loud but he could feel the tremble on his lower lip when he spoke it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas could feel the heavyweight on his shoulders lift away just by the sight of his old best friend. He knew these were all dangerous feelings but if he made enough excuses for them then it was okay. It was okay if he felt like he was floating when he finally made his way to Dean and then their bodies were pressed against each other. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas clung to his warmth, breathing in his scent of motor oil and cologne that lingered on his skin. He heard a giggle that shook through his chest and realized it was his. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wow. He really wanted this. Needed this. Dean. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t think you were going to come.” He heard himself admit. And the truth hits him as well. He figured Dean would be angry with him. For him to be as dead to Dean as his father was but no. No, Dean was kind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He said he loved Cas way back then. He kissed him back. Held him as he has always dreamt of being held by Dean but...but-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow! Am I getting one of those hugs too, sweetheart?”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Mick</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas can feel his body stiffen and go cold because he has been caught. Oh, it’s gonna become a talk. He already knew it.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>What can he say this time? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That he couldn’t feel like he could breathe until he was in Dean’s arms? Wait - Cas turned to look at his fiance smiling at him. Yeah, he was a little mad. The strain in his eyes was clearly visible. Then Cas turned to look at Dean and before he could ask Dean answered his silent question.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Of course, he would understand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then before he said goodbye to Dean he had to give him his number. He dug through his drawers and ripped a piece from an old notebook to write his number. Then he drew a happy face to reassure Dean that he can call him. Text him. Just talk to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The kiss he left on Dean’s cheek was just as unexpected to him as it was to Dean. But his lips tingle the whole night. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even when Mick lectured him about getting close with Dean again. He started to feel guilt eat at him when he kissed Mick to reassure him but his mind flew to Dean. And he knew - fuck he knew- he was screwed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean sent a heart. A heart!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas's own heart threatened to leap out of his chest but before he could respond Mick walked back into the room. In nothing more than pajama bottoms and a towel over his head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you smiling like that?” Mick crawled over to him and pressed a kiss at the base of his neck. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, now I’m looking at just you.” Cas turned his phone off and wrapped his arms around his fiance. “You had a good shower?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would have been better with you.” He kissed him and Cas laughed before kissing him back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Too tired.” Cas told him as he nuzzled his nose against Mick’s skin. “Distract me? A lot...a lot happened today.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure, sweetheart.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And they got comfortable and talked all through the night. Passing out over the covers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas’s last words before he fell asleep were, “You know I love you, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.” He kissed the top of Cas’s head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas decided he’ll delete the conversation in the morning. That his dumb crush on Dean was not worth losing this. Losing Mick.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas didn’t think he would end up bruised and beaten by the hands of his brothers again. No. He figured the will reading will be as calm as the funeral and the burial but as soon as the lawyer told them that Dean was getting most of the money he should have known. He should have protected him better.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean dragged Cas to the bathroom after everything was over. Throughout the whole reading he kept fussing over him and as much as he loved Dean’s gentle touches - and he kept burning him with them - he was getting annoyed because his brothers kept glaring at them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re so stupid. You shouldn't have hit him back. You dumb fucking hothead.” Cas was leaning against the sink as Dean wiped his eye where it stung with blood. “Stand still!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No! It hurts, asshole!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be a baby.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas rolled his eyes but tried not to twitch his face as Dean cleans him up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There you two are!” They heard Bobby call out to them and walk into the bathroom to give them a few bandaids and one ice pack. “You two head out. I’m gonna get a ride with Gabriel. Still got a few things to get through here and I don’t want your dramatic dumbasses getting me kicked out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So they left and Cas was too frustrated to do anything but listen to the familiar music. Feel the familiar vibration of the engine underneath him and just feel at peace once again. Feeling like finally - fucking finally - he was where he belonged. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So when the music started to end he got nervous. He didn’t want to leave this car just yet. He can’t handle the real world right now. Everything is different now. He had no money now. His siblings were mad at him for once again picking Dean over them. Because he always had. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fuck, he was glad Mick wasn’t making him choose because he was afraid he'd know the answer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>If he can just have Dean next to him. Like this. As a friend and nothing more. Then he can live like that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But now, one second he was laughing and the next Dean's face was practically on his. Heavy breaths mixing and their body heat warming the car even more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was gonna kiss him! Dean was going to kiss him again! No. No. He’s married! He has someone and Cas has someone! No. Fuck his stomach hurts but his eyes were closing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas hummed in response to Dean calling his name. His head couldn’t take it anymore. He wanted Dean to just call his name from now on. Wanted Dean to be his. Wanted Dean. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Dean won’t kiss him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Kiss me. Kiss me. Kiss me! </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span> He was holding him so desperately but Dean was still hesitant. And Cas wasn’t willing to close the gap because Dean kissing him was different than Cas kissing him. But he wanted him again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dean.” Gosh, he sounded so pathetic. Like he was praying to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He moved a little closer and accidentally brushed their lips together and Cas knew he couldn’t wait any longer. His whole body heated up at the slight brush. Then Dean made a whimpering noise and Cas’s whole mind went blank. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Did...Did Dean sound like that? He wanted to hear more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas couldn’t think of the damn consequences anymore. He didn’t care when he could have Dean right now. He was pathetic and crumbling right in front of Dean.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then a loud bang flipped the switch back on in his head and made Cas jump away from Dean’s touch. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No. No. No.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas turned to see Mick standing outside the door and he didn’t think of Dean as he scrambled out of the car to see his fiance’s heartbroken expression. Anger was already there but then it faded to concern. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can we talk inside?” Cas could hear his shaking voice but Mick took his hand to lead him away from the car. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Away from the closest he has ever felt to home. Where he felt like he belonged. In that car. Sitting passenger side with Dean Winchester beside him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now Cas was sitting at the edge of his bed watching his fiance pace in front of him. Quietly fuming because Mick was nothing like Castiel.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mick doesn’t yell. Mick doesn’t throw punches. Mick doesn’t fight. He’s patient and kind and that’s why Cas fell in love with him in the first place. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But right now Cas wished he would yell at him. Fight for them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, what? Are you just going to...what?” Mick asked because of course, he wanted to know what Cas wanted. “Do you want to break up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas let the tears burn his eyes as he looked down at the ground with a heavy shrug. “I don’t deserve you, Mick. I always knew that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not what I’m asking.” Mick took Cas’s face in his hands and it was soft. “I’m asking you what you want. Do you want me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas nodded as he reached to grip Mick’s shirt with his bruised hands. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then Mick sucked in a shaky breath before he said the most surprising thing. “Then that’s all I need to know.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas blinked up at him. “But...but-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you still want me then I’m here for you, Castiel.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why? Why are you...Why are you being nice to me? You should be mad! Fuck, I’m mad!” Cas gripped at him and pulled him forward until Mick was sitting practically on Cas’s lap. “I almost kissed - I kissed someone else!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I knew it would be hard for you to see Dean again. You loved him. He’s the reason why you kept breaking up with me in the beginning. He was...he was your first love.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop being so nice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. You deserve nice.” Mick wrapped him in a hug as Cas hid his face into Mick’s shoulder. “I love you, Castiel. And I know you love me. Maybe...maybe tomorrow we can finish the paperwork and head home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Home</span>
  </em>
  <span>. No, he’s not going home but it’s as close as he’ll get.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas doesn’t say another word. He only cries while Mick holds him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can just leave. You don’t have to say goodbye to him, Castiel.” Mick brushed his fingers on Cas’s cheek to reassure him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t do that to him again, Mick. But you’re right. I’m just gonna say goodbye and it’s gonna be a fresh start for us. No more Dean. He has a life and family to think about and I have mine.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t want to be a homewrecker.” Cas laughed, it was cold again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Castiel.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine. Let’s go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Castiel,” Mick huffed as Sam finally dropped his arm around him. “Your friend wasn’t letting me through. Are you ready to go home?”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Home</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas twirled his engagement ring in his finger and he let out a shaky laugh because he was about to make the biggest mistake of his life. Again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am home, Mick.” Cas sighed as he finally felt like he could say what he wanted. He was free, to be honest with himself and with everyone else. “I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mick’s face drops and Cas wants to take him in his arms but he stops himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So,” Mick cleared his throat. Eyes watering as he looked Cas over. “You’re staying?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas nodded before he slipped the ring off his finger and gave it back to him. Closing Mick’s palm over the beautiful metal ring. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you.” Mick tells him, so quietly and broken that Cas's own heart calls out to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But it’s not enough?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry. I just… I love him more. I always have.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.” He says it so quietly while he stuffs the ring in his pocket. He sniffles just a little and then Sam was patting Mick’s back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, Sam?” Sam turns to awkwardly look at Cas. “Take care of him? I’m just gonna go-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure, man.” Sam smiled with his lips pressed together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry, McDreamy, we’ll take care of your um...Mick here!” Charlie winked at him and Cas thanked them before he quickly went back to Dean.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Went back home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas knew this morning was different. He could feel it in his bones and by the way, his skin warmed against the rising sunbeams that shined through the window. Today was a new day. A new start. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Starting with the new person - old friend but new future - who was heavily draped on top of him. And not to mention drooling on his chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas rubbed his eyes, slowly moving as to not wake up the sleeping Dean, to admire his new - they haven’t gone through specifics but Cas would like to say - boyfriend. He won’t say it out loud. Not until Dean mentions it but he would think it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mick was never much of a cuddler. They slept on their side of the bed and that was always okay with Cas. Especially when he got a whole blanket to himself but with Dean, he really didn’t need a blanket. His body heat was enough to keep him warm through the night. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They must have fallen asleep talking last night - well they were doing more than talking but talking took priority - as they were still in their clothes from the day before. Cas just realized that he’ll have to face Mick to get his stuff from their apartment in California. He starts to make a list of things he wanted and if it was even worth the hassle or he could let Mick just throw it away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he wanted his books. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A little higher.” Dean hummed in his sleep, nuzzling his face into Cas’s chest with a sleepy grin, and Cas looked down to realize that he absentmindedly started to rake his fingers through Dean’s hair. Cas did what he was told with a happy grin and watched as Dean threw a leg in between Cas’s own to cling tighter around him. “That’s the stuff.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas couldn’t help the silent chuckle that shook through him and the blush that rose when Dean pressed a kiss to his chest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you awake now?” Cas used his free hand to run down Dean’s back. “I kinda wanna shower and change out of-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” Dean clung to him more. Like a stubborn child and man, how could Cas ever believe he could live without him. “Sleep still.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dean, you have a meeting to go to. And I would like to pick up my inheritance as well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean sighed and pushed himself a little higher so he could look down at Cas with a grumpy pout. “Do you only want me for my money now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. I’m poor now and I need you to take care of me.” Cas grinned up at him as Dean rolled his eyes but slowly leaned down for a kiss. Almost as if checking to see if it was still okay. If it was the right thing to do but Cas stretched his neck up to close the gap between them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kissing Dean first thing in the morning is in Cas’s to-do list for the rest of his existence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A few sleepy kisses, a lot of soft laughter, and an awkward toy left in the shower later they were finally dressed and ready for the day. Luckily, Charlie was kind enough to bring Cas’s suitcase back to him so he had some of his clothes at least. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You look too nice, too fucking proper, to walk around with me.” Dean commented as they walked down to the car hand in hand. Maybe they were both blushing too but Cas is trying to ignore that part.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t even know what that means.” Cas rolled his eyes as he leaned into Dean’s shoulder. “I like what you’re wearing. You look...um shit - nice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I look shit nice?” Dean raised an eyebrow at him as Cas cleared his throat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, if you must know I was thinking that you look hot as fuck, like a dumb lumberjack but I wasn’t sure if I was allowed to say that shit yet.” Cas didn’t dare turn to meet Dean’s grinning - stupidly teasing - expression. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You think I’m dumb?” Dean teased and Cas had to fight back a groan because he knew what was coming out of his mouth next. “Cause If I remember correctly-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dean.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m pretty sure I got the higher grades between the both of us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dean.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And the higher GPA!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t believe I </span>
  <em>
    <span>chose </span>
  </em>
  <span>to deal with this for the rest of my life.” Dean stopped short and Cas looked at him confused. “What? Did you forget your keys?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean’s expression softened as he carefully reached to cradle the back of Cas’s neck and leave a soft kiss. “I can’t wait to deal with you for the rest of my life too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” Cas felt himself grin as his body shivered in anticipation for the next kiss Dean gave him. Yeah, he loved this man so much it ached. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Of course, dealing with his siblings wasn’t going to be easy. Especially when they were all pro-Mick and anti-Dean. Now more than ever. But Dean went with him to pick up his inheritance from the family house and even pack up his room because Michael got the house and he was sure he wanted everyone out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You sure you want to do this right now while everyone is home?” Dean asked as he followed behind Cas. “We couldn’t wait until like a week later?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. I’m afraid they will destroy my books.” It’s all he had of his fucked up father and he wasn’t going to lose them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas didn’t even bother knocking as he unlocked the door and marched right in. He was going to go straight to the study when he heard his name being called. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gabriel.” Cas sighed in relief. “I’m...I’m just here-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mick called.” Gabriel started as he stopped a few steps away from them. Cas couldn’t read his brother's expression besides confusion but Cas was ready for whatever screaming match was about to happen. “He told us you ended things. What...What happened?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gabriel knew the answer already. Dean was standing right beside him, probably awkwardly scratching the back of his neck or twitching. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I did.” Cas answered not saying anymore as he saw Gabriel’s anger slowly rise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Castiel! You can’t just-!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gabriel, I didn’t come here to fight!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We are not fighting! We are discussing!” Gabriel turns his glare on Dean. “And what the hell is wrong with you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gabriel,” Cas warned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No! Tell me! Why does a married man want to ruin my little brother's life?! What the-the wife not doing it for you anymore?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean shakes his head. “I’m not married.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Gabriel blinks at him before looking at Cas for confirmation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, turns out he’s not </span>
  <em>
    <span>actually </span>
  </em>
  <span>married and Dad lied to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shocker.” Dean and Cas both say at the same time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Explaining to Gabriel was easy enough. Explaining it again when the rest of his siblings kept pouring in was...harder. Considering they are looking at the guy that took most of their Dad’s money. But in an odd turn of events, there was no yelling. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They talked. They asked questions and Cas learned that it wasn’t just him that lied to. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, there you are.” Cas looked up from where he was sitting in his father’s - nope now it was Michael’s - office and was greeted with a kiss. “You’re supposed to be packing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas held the book up at him. “I found another book where Dad left me notes to read.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He closed the book with the same dried up lavender flowers that Chuck used.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can’t believe the books are all the old man left you.” Dean sat on Cas’s lap as soon as Cas put his book down. Cas wrapped his arms around Dean and pressed his nose against Dean’s cheek before he kissed it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s the only thing we had in common. I’m not surprised.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Babe, you didn’t get the house. Didn’t get any money. Or the damn business. What did you get?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I got a rich boyfriend.” Cas grins at him and that makes his boyfriend laugh. Cas loves that laugh and relaxes at the sound of it. “And I get to read words my Dad never said out loud to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did he say in this one?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas spent a few minutes reading passages of his book to Dean with his father’s comments. Yes, they were both angry that his father lied to them and kept them apart but sometimes they just have to let the anger go. Chuck was gone. They were free now. They were together and they weren’t gonna waste another second with that ugly feeling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Especially when he could make out with his boyfriend in his old office like a couple of sneaky teenagers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey!” They both quickly turned to the doorway to see Gabriel with Sam and Charlie grinning behind him. “I’m paying you to work! Not kiss!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sam looks down at Gabriel. “You’re paying them? What the hell, Gabriel?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They walk away arguing while Cas turned to give Dean another kiss. “We should get back to work before Michael comes back. Just cause he likes you now doesn’t mean he will be any nicer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Yeah.” Dean got off of Cas’s lap and quickly helps him stand to pull Cas into his arms. “I love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cas holds him just as close. A smile on his lips as he stares at his beautiful boyfriend’s freckled face. In disbelief that he can finally say this. Finally, have this. Have him. “I love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dean kisses him softly before patting Cas’s ass - making Cas open his eyes mid-kiss and roll them - and pulling away. “Okay! Now let’s get your pretty books packed so we can head home!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yeah, Cas made the right decision. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry, the chapter is so late! My fever kinda spiked today than the days before so I slept in a little and moving the screen was making me dizzy lol but I finished writing! Now I'm hoping it made sense but if it didn't then let me know...I will reread it and fix it haha</p><p>Thanks for reading and commenting! I haven't written anything that has gotten a lot of attention like this before so I hope it wasn't disappointing to anyone. Thank you for sticking with me!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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